Freilechen Thanksgivakah!

Happy Chanukah!  Tonight is the first night of Chanukah.  

Some of you are like, huh, is Chanukah the Jewish Christmas?  The answer to that is no.  Chanukah is such a minor holiday in Judaism, but it's message is timeless and of utmost importance.  2178 years ago (I cheated; I got that off another website, Chabad.org ) the Jews were victorious over the Syrian-Greek army.  You have to understand that the Jewish army was tiny.  We are talking a few hundred guys who used to sit around learning Torah.  The Syrian-Greek army was tremendous.  They were trained soldiers, some of who even rode on elephants!  We are talking about thousands and thousands of soldiers trying to squash the rebellion of a few hundred Jews who refuse to give in.  (They wanted G-d out of the picture.  You can light Shabbos candles, but not because G-d rested on the seventh day.  Because it is nice to light candles.)  So we had this huge menorah, giant!  It had three steps leading up to light it.  I found a picture here: Bais Hamikdash picture of Menorah (You can read the comments if you want to know why there are multiple menorahs there.)  The oil that was used to light it was pure.  It had a special (kosher) symbol of the rabbi who made sure that only the first few drops of the oil that came from olive were used.  These jars were sealed.  So here is the crux of the issue.  The lovely Syrian-Greeks cracked the seal of every jar.  See, they wanted us to light our menorah, but not in a pure and holy way.  They wanted a touch of Greek life to rub off on us.  Suckers!  They didn't know that when you have G-d on your side, nothing is impossible.  So lo and behold, the mighty Maccabees (not the Maccabeats, who are really, really good, but the Maccabees, the Jewish warriors) found one, yes one teeny tiny jar of pure oil.  They light the menorah even though it was only enough for one day, and as the song goes, the light burned on and on and on.  All the way until the 8th day when they were finally able to procure the special oil with the seal of the High Priest.
So for the last 2178 years, we have been thanking G-d for both of these miracles.  In fact, we add in our prayers the entire time the words of V'al hanesim.  They read in English:
"And [we thank You] for the miracles, for the redemption, for the mighty deeds, for the saving acts, and for the wonders which You have wrought for our ancestors in those days, at this time -- "

Thanksgiving's origins are that the pilgrims had a very bountiful harvest, so they gave thanks to G-d for it.  (Which some people believe they got the idea from our holiday of Sukkos.)  So now we have Chanukah, a holiday to thank G-d for our miracles, colliding with Thanksgiving, which is thanking G-d for food.  Pretty cool, huh?  Y'all have any idea what the main food for Chanukah is?  (No, it's not turkey and pumpkin pie.)  As Jews, we sorta have this obligation to make the most unhealthy foods possible.  Yup, in the US we eat latkes, which are fried potato pancakes.  In Israel, they eat jelly donuts.  Of course, if you are like me, you eat both!   My daughter asked me how come I only make latkes and donuts on Chanukah.  I told her it is because it is special just to chanukah.  Like rolled up eggies on Pesach (sorta like crepes piled on top of each other, rolled up like a log, and then cut into strips and used in soup in place of noodles).

I've done some experiments.  You can NOT make latkes in the oven and have them come out good.  (I oven fry food, not pan fry.)  So once a year, it isn't going to kill you to eat a latke. Just don't go overboard and enough to make you sick.

Now donuts happen to be one of the all time worst things you can eat.  Yes, you can make them in the oven.  But lets get real.  We eat donuts because they are fried in oil.  If you make oven-baked one, you are making a cakey dough that is not at all like a real jelly donut.  So my advice to you is this, only eat one or two of them.  They are only good when they are fresh out of the pan.  So if they have been sitting for a while, then take a pass.

Happy Chanukah!  Remember, I'm watching!  You are only allowed to eat a few latkes and no more than 2 donuts the whole time.  Don't make me come over there and take those away from you!  Make sure you are using GMO free ingredients, and organic potatoes.  They are one of the biggest offenders for harboring a ton of pesticides inside of them.  Ok, Ok, I'm ending now.  Go back to reading about Iran, and seeing how many lies this administration can come up with.

I know it's blurry. She moved, duh!