An Easy yet Hard Day

Sunday April 29 / 14 Iyar /Pesach Sheni
Today was more of a relaxed day. Sheindy and Zahava enjoyed playing Mario Brothers together. We didn't end up leaving until around 12:30. The mission for today was to find some skirts for Sheindy and for me to order the aitz chaim and mantel. Sheindy's mission was, of course, very hard. She is picky in what she likes. In a way, it's good, because she only gets stuff she loves. (Versus me who will buy it because it was on sale or a great price, but I don't totally love it. Then it ends up sitting in my closet in the "What-was-I-thinking" pile.) So it took a while, but happily she left with 4 skirts.
I wish I could say the same for me. My mission was not accomplished. Have you ever redone a room, and tried to buy white paint and new hardware? You think this is a breeze and you'll be done in a blink. Wrong! There are 800 shades of white to choose from, and enough hardware to fix every cabinet in the world 10x over. That's how it was there. Too many choices! I thought the aitz chaim would be a prefect place to start. Nope. Do you want this little doo-hickey on it or that one? All silver or a crown on wood? Engraving? And just when you think you're done, you have to decide the shade of wood you want. Ok  nevermind, I'll look at the mantel, the cover for the Torah. Same deal. Leather or velvet? Blue, black, brown, or burgundy?? Gold or silver trim??? What wording do you want on it? When I started to explain to the woman why I needed it, it made me so sad. I'd rather not have to do this  It's about as much fun as picking out the headstone was. Except then we were pretty much in shock as we had just gotten up from shiva. It's too hard, too real. The same way I despise writing a"h after Yossi's name. It just makes it too real. Which is just a mind trick, because absolutely nothing has changed before or after. Quid pro quo. The woman who spoke English had to go, so it bought me some time. I'll come back and do it later.
Hashgacha protis had it arranged that tonight I was meeting up with a sister in pain, another bereaved mom. Unless you're in the club, and we do NOT want new members, you probably won't understand the need to be with someone who gets you on such an intimate level. It doesn't matter if the loss was a baby, teenager, or married child with kids of their own, we've all been there done that. Sitting with another bereaved mom brings tears and smiles. It's a breath of fresh air, where any mask you've been wearing comes off. I guess that's why we like to get together with each other when we travel.
Off to bed. Big day tomorrow ... Heading down to Eilat.