We have hit that magic number I never wanted to hit. Yossi (a'h) has been dead longer than he was alive. How could that be?? How could it be that Moshiach STILL hasn't come yet? When I asked my friend who is bereaved over 30 years how she did it, she told me that she thought Moshiach would be here by now.
There is still time. We can still do it.
So what does this Jew with a HUGE attitude feel right now? Immense pain and sorrow. That weighs on me very heavily, because I made a decision that I was NOT going to get this sad. It isn't working. I got gypped out of a bar mitzvah for him. I got gypped out of seeing who he would have grown into, the man he would have become. I got gypped of getting to know him on a different level as an adult.
I don't know. Maybe I didn't get gypped. We all know and believe that everything Hashem does is for our good, even if we don't see the good. I actually have seen so much good come from Yossi's illness and death.
I'm rambling. Sorry. Can I ask anyone who reads this a favor, please? Can you please commit to one mitzvah to do l'iluey nishmas Yosef Chaim ben Michoel Dovid haLevi? At least that way, I will feel that something good is still coming along.
I believe I have shared this before. Yossi used to kiss the mezuzahs as he walked around the house. I sorta thought it was weird ... who actually does that? Sruli does it too. L'iluey nishmas, I am going to try and do it as well, b'n.
I used to be a lot better at this part ... I do always try to kiss the mezuzah when I leave the house. I used to try and think of one good thing in my life that I am thankful for. Yossi was ALWAYS thankful for everything. B'n, I am also going to try to start doing this again.
I don't know who the rebbe is in the picture. I don't even remember who sent this to me. Someone saw it in someone else's house, and was surprised to see it there.
I have the matching pictures.
I love you Yossi.
