Safe spaces cuz YOU'RE OFFENDING ME!

What a bunch of garbage! Safe spaces? A place where you will never get hurt? Doesn't exist. I was going to say once a person is in the grave, they can never get hurt, but it seems that some people believe in disparaging those who can't defend themselves.

Everyone is offended by everything now a days. You can't tell a woman she looks nice, that's harassment.  And don't you dare open a door for her, cuz that is implying she isn't capable of doing it herself.  Everyone gets a trophy for participating, because we are all winners. Don't wish someone "Merry Xmas", cuz they might not celebrate it. But don't try and wish them "Happy Holidays" either, because they may celebrate xmas and get upset that you didn't wish them THAT. Don't put up a nativity scene, because it's offense. Don't walk a dog. Don't buy pork products. Don't carry a gun. Don't believe in free speech. Don't think thoughts that the Leftist have deemed hate space, which includes liking our president, loving your country, or wanting to stay safe in your country. Don't be upset with people who break the law, cuz that is racist. Don't follow a religion because it's homophobic, and all the other isms. Unless, of course, your religion is Islam. Because then you can follow it to your hearts content. Rape women, beat your wife, mutilate your daughter, do disgusting unspeakable things to goats and other animals, but hey, it's ISLAM. It's OK to do that.

I say BULL! You can NOT protect yourself or your child from life. They will NOT always win. They may not get the job they apply for. They may not marry the person they hope to. They may be turned down for a raise. Worse things can happen.  I am not saying that I am in favor of bullying, but I do believe that need to know that the world doesn't revolve around them. Yossi a'h was teased in 2nd or 3rd grade by some classmates. He was such a sweet and gentle boy; he didn't know how to handle it. He had been taught "We don't hit". So when things got a little rough, he took it like a punching bag. Then we told him, "When someone starts up with you, you are allowed to finish it".  The next time it happened, Yossi punched the kid, and that was the end of that. Was this whole situation right? No. But kids will be kids. Kids will be cruel. They will form cliques and exclude others and make fun of kids who are different from them. As a parent, it is our job, our responsibility, to teach our kids, THIS IS WRONG. This is NOT acceptable.  This is where people are failing their children. By taking G-d out of their lives, they have no moral ethics, except what they deem is ethical.  The problem with this is that when you decide ethics from society, those ethics can change. It used to be that abortion was considered wrong. Now women brag about killing their babies. I grew up in a time when parents stayed married. I was the only kid with a single mom. Now, having two parents is weird.

This last generation is becoming a generation of fragile, delicate, snowflakes. (Yes, I called them that!)  You can't hurt their feelings in any way. It may damage their self esteem, which is the most important thing in the whole wide world. If you try to say something that is offensive to them, they run to their "safe spaces" where you can't say those hurtful things.

So let me ask you this -- Where was the safe space for my children in 1997 when we had to tell them their brother had leukemia? Where was that space in 2001 when I had the pleasure of telling them that their brother had died. Yes, actually DIED. I'll tell you where it is. It doesn't exist. Where is the safe place for the kids who have been molested? Where is the safe place for kids saw their parents murdered by rabid arabs right before their eyes? And where is the safe place for kids whose parents get divorced, get sick, lose their job, or whatever else life throws at them.

You wanna know where these safe spaces are? They are INSIDE of you. It's that place where you dig deep, pull up your big girl (or boy) pants, and pick yourself back up. It's the inner strength you get from going through a hard time. It's that sensitivity you develop towards other going through a similar painful experience. If you shelter your kids from life, you are actually doing them a disservice. You are turning them into a selfish person who doesn't empathize. You are actually turning this whole world into an UNSAFE space for the rest of us. You are making it so kids can't handle anything they don't agree with. They can't hear conservative speakers. They can't hear different ideas. They feel entitled. They feel that you have to treat them with kid gloves because they are so special.

Well, chickadee, let me tell you. Yes, you are special. But then again, every single person in this world is special. You are not more equal than any of us, despite what your mommy told you. Yes. I just said that. I know, so hurtful. Such hate-speech. So disgusting. Well guess what, I stand by what I said. 

thoughts on fire

As a Yid, we use fire a lot.  I mean, we use fire A LOT! We light candles every Friday night to usher in Shabbos. We use a multi-wick candle to usher it out.  We light Chanukah candles and before Pesach we burn our chometz (leaven).  Sometimes, when you are around something too much, it becomes common, and a person could forget to use proper fire safety.

Years ago, it was second days of Pesach.  I lit candles, and went into my room to go get dressed. Soon my mother in law is screaming "Fire!".  Back then I used to reuse my little foil candle holders, and I used regular shabbos candles.  One of the candles must not have been in well, because it tipped out and fell onto the table. Which, because it was pesach, was covered in several layers of table clothes and one plastic one on top. Within seconds, the entire length of the table went up in flames. The table was pushed against the china cabinet, which was closed off for pesach. With ... you guessed it ... I was lazy and just tossed a sheet over it. So within the span of a few minutes, the entire length of the table went up, as did my china cabinet. Thank G-d we had a fire extinguisher! And because of pesach cleaning, I knew exactly where it was because I had moved it to clean around it.

Years later we had another shabbos candle accident, where a candle tipped over and set the dresser on fire. That happened because some napkins had been left near there. (Not smart!)

Lesson finally learned ... there are no more shabbos candles in my house. I use tea lights, which fit right into the special tea light holder.  The candles are on a base and there is nothing flammable around it.

Last night in Brooklyn, there was a horrible tragedy.  Before the night was out, half a family was wiped out from a horrific fire.  A mom, and her three kids are no longer living, leaving behind a father with three kids.  It is a tragedy beyond words! Such devastation, such horror ... The Baal Shem Tov said that anything we see or hear is for a reason. Who knows why I had to hear about this. (Goodness knows I try so hard to avoid hearing of such things!)  Maybe it is a wake up call to me and all of us that it is time to review fire safety.

As you can see above, the chanukah menorahs are on foil, which rests on a metal tray. This year I was lazy and didn't put foil UNDER the tray, but before we light tomorrow I will.  I try super hard to remember not to leave the pot holder on top of the soup pot that is cooking over night. And now I am questioning if it is smart to leave a flame burning overnight.  I never use dish towels near the stove, and I try very hard to make sure nothing comes close to the open flame.

We also own two fire extinguishers. I was about to post about them, but it turns out there is a HUGE recall on them.
Kiddie Fire Extinguisher Recall info

and info on how to use one, and what to look for when buying it:
Consumer Reports Buying Guide

Yay, turns out mine is unaffected by the recall. Whew.

This one was the top rated one on Consumer Reports.

Next up ... make a real plan what to do chas v'shalom if there is a fire!

Thanksgiving 2017 / What am I Most Thankful For This Year?

There is so much to be thankful for, so many blessings that Hashem has literally rained down on me. But I am going to limit myself to ONE thing.

My right thumb. Yup. You read correctly. I am so thankful for my right thumb.  After Pesach, as we were putting the boxes up in the attic.  The one on the stairs slipped, and I put my hands out to attempt to catch this person. Well, they managed to catch themselves before they totally fell, but they did fall into me. They were perfectly OK, but my thumb got bent backwards, and it hurt terribly. I did ice it. The next day was eruv Shabbos, and I had friends coming to stay by for shabbos. I did pop by Ortho-On-Call to see about getting it xrayed, but they said it was a 3 hour wait! On a Friday morning? No way no how. On Sunday, after they left, I went back, but it was the same deal, about a 3 hour wait. Now anyone who knows me knows how impatient I am. When I want an answer, I want it yesterday!  So I popped over to the local emergency room which has a 5 minute wait time. (Hooray for the internet and for hospitals posting their wait times!)  After looking at it and taking an xray, they said it was sprained. 3-6 weeks for it to feel better, follow up with my doctor if it doesn't.

Shavuous comes and goes, and my thumb still hurts. Now we are getting into the summer, and my thumb is still hurting. I tried to make an appointment with my doctor, who just so happened to be on vacation that week. They said I had to call at 7:30 to get an appointment for that day. UH, so not happening. I hate waking up at 7 during the school year; I am certainly NOT waking up at 7 to make an appt for the doctor. The thumb will wait.  My thumb did start to feel a little better. Never 100%, and there was this awful lump at the base of it. I would think about it at odd times. Then it started waking me up at night, and I knew it was time to go back. Of course, like bringing a car to a mechanic when it makes a noise, the day I finally got in to see my doctor was the day it felt a lot better. I did keep telling him that the skin on the top of my thumb is so sensitive. It hurts to just barely brush against it. He told me tendinitis; sleep with a brace. I really didn't agree, but I am not the type to argue. So I gave it a month, and it got worse. This time I called and said, I want an MRI. He sent me to a hand specialist. 

Now here is the cool part. He was able to test my thumbs. My left thumb could bend towards me to about 20% and it stopped going. But the right thumb ... he stopped trying at 40%, cuz he said he knows it will go, but it will start to hurt. Let me just tell you, thumbs are NOT supposed to bend that much towards you. Torn / ruptured ligament. The only repair? Surgery. 

*GULP*

I had this nice little goal in life. I had planned to make it to my dying day without ever having a surgery. With no other choice (living with a deformed thumb and hurt wasn't a great option), I scheduled the surgery.

I never realized how vital my thumb was until I didn't have it at all.  The first week I had a dressing on that could not come off. Then I had a pretty cast for 3 weeks, and now I am in a splint. Except most of the time I don't wear it. (LOL)

So here is what I am so very thankful for: 

cutting the tissue paper and bubble wrap for packages

brushing my teeth!

brushing my hair (both of those are so hard to do left handed)

putting a pony tail holder in my hair

getting my socks on and off

typing on the computer (try doing it with no thumb!)

using a knife (for food prep)

cutting chicken or meat with a knife

can't do it all yet; but getting there / looking forward to:

cutting the fat off chicken

doing push ups (LOL! not really)

So my Thanksgiving message to everyone is this, it truly IS the small things in life that really matter!

Hmmm ... Oldest book in the world is ... CORRECT!

Yeah, yeah, but we already KNEW that, right?  As a believing Jewess, I believe everything in the Torah is correct and still relevant today. How many times over the past century (two or three even!) have Jews tried to become "enlightened" by throwing off the yoke of Torah (chas v'shalom) to accept upon themselves, well ... nothing.

Some people mock Torah, saying it's "outdated" and "behind the times". They couldn't be more wrong.  See, Hashem created us. He understands us better than we understand ourselves. So He made some real clear lines for us to exist as a decent world.  He gave us a spouse, and he made that relationship sacred. Within that relationship, He set boundaries, red lines to never cross. For instance, a married woman covers her hair.  When the husband and wife wed, the hair becomes holy, sacred between just the two of them. It is not something that is shared with the outside world. In Chabad, we believe that kedusha, holiness, flows down from above to the woman through her hair. (In a man, it flows through his beard hair, and what exactly this means, I don't know 100%.) We also keep our hair covered all the time, even at night when sleeping.

In Orthodox Judaism, there are rules between men and women. It doesn't matter married or not married ... men & women don't mix. We dance separately at weddings; we eat separate at them too.  We have functions that are usually only for men or for women. Our synagogues are divided, so that each gender can focus on their prayers, rather than their outer appearance. 

Generally, men & women who are not related do not touch. No handshake, a pat on the back, and no high fives. Immediate family members, like a father and daughter, or a grandmother and a grandson are permitted to touch or hug. The Torah even goes as far as to prohibit a brother and sister from living together in the same house as grown ups (with no parents; as room mates) for more than 30 days.

But Leah ... it's 2017! Nothing is going to happen if a man shakes your hand! Nothing is going to happen if give a high five to a guy. Nothing is going to happen if you stay late at the office with a man and no one else is there ... Except it DOES happen and it IS happening. Every single day you hear of yet another scandal involving some big famous guy who used his power to push around a woman and get what he wants. And here is the beauty of it ... follow me for a second here ... It was recently revealed that Vice President Mike Pence will not dine alone with a woman. He was opening MOCKED for that. People went off on him, saying that he must not have any control over himself, and he's a wimp who can't alone with a woman without jumping her. No one stopped for one moment and thought to themselves, what does that mean for Mrs. Pence?  I can tell you what it means for Mrs. Pence. It means she has total and complete peace of mind. She knows that her husband is bound solely to her.  It means that more likely than not, she doesn't have to fear that his name is going to pop up on a scandal, because he has drawn a very clear line in the sand and he will not cross it, no matter what!  I celebrated my 30th wedding anniversary this past June. In 30 years, I have never, ever, ever once worried about my husband. Because like VP Pence, he has a line in the sand that he won't cross. He follows the same book that I do, and he understands that when the Torah has set certain guidelines for us, G-d KNOWS what He is doing.  Think about this for just one moment. If every single one of these guys who is accused of awful things had made a line in the sand, and not crossed it, would any of this mess be about today? 

Today, more than ever, the words of the Holy Torah are needed to guide us all, and show us how to behave as a civil nation.  It's not outdated, and it's not irrelevant. I would even venture to say that it's more relevant that ever.  Maybe it is time for people to review the laws of yidchud (not being alone in a room with a member of the opposite gender)? All I do know is that it can't hurt. 

Kisses from Hashem

This post has been percolating in my head for quite some time now. I think I've spoken about it before, but here goes anyway ...

First, you need to listen to the song You're Never Alone. You can find the lyrics here:
http://jewishmusiclyrics.blogspot.com/2013/06/youre-never-alone-avraham-fried.html

Avraham Fried has so many beautiful songs. (No Jew Will Be Left Behind / Don't Hide From Me)  But this song especially speaks to me.  One of my therapists once asked me, "How is your relationship with G-d?"  I was very put off by that questions. In my mind then, Jews don't have a relationship with G-d. Our Father In Heaven sounded sooo not Jewish to me.  We had our mitzvos to do, and like a good little girl, I did them. Fear of G-d? Check. Love of G-d? Not so much. How do you love what you can't see, feel, hear, basically, relate to. So no, Jews don't have a "relationship with G-d".  It gnawed at me though, sneaking into my thoughts at odd times. Finally, I had to do some research ... DO Jews actually have a relationship with Hashem?  And the answer I found blew me away! A Tatte in Himmel ... a Father in Heaven ... was a JEWISH CONCEPT!  (This song about that idea  literally brings me to tears when I hear it. Aptly composed and sung by Dveykus*.)

(I tried to find the lyrics, but I can't find a complete translation of them. You can view some of it here:
https://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/who-composed-the-song-tatte-tatte-and-who-sang-it-first

"I am a bas melech", the daughter of The King has SO much more meaning now. It literally turned my life around, changed me completely. If I have to say something "good" that came out of losing Yossi a'h, well, this is the biggest thing. (Don't get me wrong, I still want him here. Guess what I am trying to say is that this is a silver lining to the worst possible rain clouds ever imaginable.)

So now when I am sad or angry or happy, I can directly talk to my Tatte in Himmel. I tell him when things get to hard, or feel so much gratitude when things go the way I wish them to. I've said before, Hashem is not as hidden as you think, you merely have to open your eyes and especially your heart to let Him in.

If you are a regular reader of my blog, you will know that the last year and change has been super emotionally hard for me. I noticed something strange happening ... I was having dry spells and great spells and there seemed to be a connection to when those great spells hit. If I was having a particularly hard day, soon thereafter, something wonderful would happen. I would find something totally amazing, or make a nice big sale. It seemed to be happening consistently.  Then things turned around, and baruch Hashem, I've been in a fairly upbeat mood. But as I wrote about three weeks ago, I got totally triggered by CNN.  Then, that week, I got triggered again. I heard a song that I always associate with Yoss. It's Conversation In The Womb, which ironically, is based on a gemorah about the afterlife. (The lyrics are below the video, and there is really no explanation needed.)

Conversation In the Womb (Lyrics) My dear brother, look around and tell me what your eyes behold Don't deny that you see, it's only you and me Our existence, it is empty, it is cold Our existence, it is empty, it is cold But dear brother You must have faith that we are not the only ones For in the distance there's a place, where we'll stand up tall and straight Oh, I believe there is a world to come, yes, I believe that there is a world to come My dear brother, don't be blind, don't be stubborn, don't be set. Imagination it's all right, but it won't light up the night What you see is exactly what you get; oh what you see is exactly what you get But dear brother You will surely find when all is said and done That the future it will show, Ttere is so much we don't know Oh I believe that there is a world to come, yes I believe that there is a world to come. My dear brother, Where have you gone?, Is this the moment I have known? I can faintly hear the cry My dear brother must have died It's all over now forever I'm alone, It's all over now forever I'm alone But dear brother Please don't mourn me when my life has just begun For what you hear are sounds of joy "Congratulations, it's a boy" Oh I believe that there is a world to come, Yes I believe that there is a world to come 'Cause what you hear are sounds of joy "Congratulations, it's a boy" Soon you'll be here with me in this world to come. Soon you'll be here with me in this world to come.

Journeys by Abie Rotenberg

When I say it was bad, it was climb into bed and cry type bad. A video call to my bestie, and she was able to pick me up. I sorta forgot about it until a week later, when I had a totally amazing and fantastic discovery. When another friend said that it must have been a kapara for physical pain I was going through, it got me to thinking ... no, personally, I don't think it was that. I think it was more for the emotional pain I went through. Whatever the reason, to me, it was perfectly clear. Hashem was sending me a HUGE KISS. He was telling me, I know you are hurting, and I am hurting with you.  As Avraham Fried said, I truly am never alone.

The goal of this post for me is to try and internalize that message. That when I am hurting, Hashem is with me, and He is there to hold my hand. It's a lofty goal.

*Dveykus is a yearning to be one with Hashem. Somehow, for me, that is what this song does, is it makes me yearn for Him.

GROW UP ALREADY!!!

Look liberal America, we get it. You are upset that you lost the election. You are pissed your candidate didn't become president. We get that you hate #PresidentTrump and you wish he wasn't president.
However, here ARE the facts:

*Hillary Clinton *LOST*. Yes, she lost. This is real life, there are no do-overs or second chances; she lost.

*Donald Trump *WON*.  Yes, he won, and he is the 45th President of the United States of America. (Well, it's supposed to be the United states, but sadly, those on the Left refuse to be united.)

*In the real world, NOT "everyone is a winner".  (Sorry, but you were fed a pack of lies by well meaning people who didn't want to hurt your feelings.)

*Actions have consequences. (I'm not going to get into WHY Hillary lost; suffice it to say she refuses to accept responsibility for her losing, which is also part of the problem.)

*We *DESPISED* Obummer, but hey, we accepted that we lost and moved on. Which is why we turned out in force to make sure we didn't lose in 2016.

Why am I harping on an event that happened almost a year ago to the day? Because those on the Left refuse to behave like grown ups and move on. Instead, they are behaving like a toddler who was told she can't have ice cream for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  The big protest coming up this week is "Scream At the Sky" on Nov 8th to show your dissatisfaction with the election results. REALLY? I mean, REALLY??????? Come on! Even my grandchildren know better than that.  Which leads me to believe that all these stupid "feel good" things parents have been doing to their kids have resulted in a bunch of kids in their twenties who never learned at age 2 that things don't always go your way, and the world does NOT revolve around you.  Yup.  It's a sad fact of life, but truthfully, we are all just a small blimp in the scheme of life.

Which leads to my next point ... if that is the case, and we are basically nothing, then what are we here for?  Easy! To make this world a better place. I don't care what religion you are, what side of the aisle you belong to politically, or even if you don't believe in a Higher Power at all ... no one can argue that anything bad will come about from trying to make this world a better place.

So how can we do that? So many little things; I've said it so many times before. Take time to connect with others. The mailman ... he has a life! Say Hello and tell him Thank You for working on such a hot or cold or rainy day.  The woman checks you out at the grocery ... She is a person too! She has hopes and dreams and desires! Put down your phone when checking out, look her in the eye, and thank her for helping you! Smile at that stranger you pass while grabbing your cart, and also at the person you see walking down the street. Yes, EVEN IF YOU DON'T KNOW THEM! I can promise you that nothing bad will happen from showing people that you care about them.

I love to tell people how my husband teases me that I suffer from MyLipusFlapus (King of Queens term). Yes, I talk waaaayyyy too much.  But I also find out things about people I meet. I have a mini-connection with all these strangers, and yes, I do view some of them as friends.  Every single person is in this world because G-d put them here.  That means that each and every person has a purpose, and a reason for them to exist.

I've decried the lack respect for human life for quite some time now.  Find out you're pregnant, but it's not convenient, or not the gender you wanted, easy-peasy-one-two-three and POOF! gone!  An sickly person has no quality of life? Once again, easy-peasy-one-two-three and POOF! gone! We spend a lot of time talking (and arguing) with people on social media, forgetting that there is a life, breathing, living human being sitting on the other side (most of them; unless you are fighting with a bot). People play video games where you kill others and don't bat an eyelash. We have songs that speak about killing police, or raping women.  Then we are horrified when someone does it.  (I would just like to point out that I personally believe that these things taint your soul, and I don't allow them to do that. I don't watch TV or movies; I don't listen to regular music, read secular books, or even play those violent games.  They ALL have a subliminal effect on you.  So much so, that our Rebbe told us years ago not to let young children see non-Kosher animals, because of the effect it has on the soul. How much more so that garbage that Hollywood throws out.)

This is the main reason I am writing.  Yesterday's massacre should be a huge wake up call to the entire country.  It's time we all say to those throwing a temper tantrum, GROW UP! You need to act like adults, and accept that this is the reality. As much as you wish it isn't so, it still is.  Put your hate aside, and let's try to repair. Stop trying to divide us. Let's work on being the UNITED States of America again, even if you can't stand the President. Look, we survived 8 years of Obama. And if you people on the Left stop trying to prevent President Trump from doing his job, then you will survive too.

Meanwhile, tragically, there is a family in Texas who has lost 8, yes EIGHT members of their family.  It is a tragedy beyond words! Please read the article, and donate something, anything, to help them.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2017/11/06/texas-shooting-death-sweeps-across-3-generations-of-a-single-family-gathered-at-church/?utm_term=.11d6d8d941a7

Let's hope the next time I post, it is on a happy occasion. I am getting so sick and tired of being sad at the horrible way the world is today!

 

CNN really *IS* ISIS!

One of the unpleasant side effects of losing a child is the unexpected triggers,  I've written about it before, so I won't spend too much time on it.  It is basically going merrily along your day happy as a clam (are clams really all that happy?), and then BAM! Your world comes crashing down and all you want to do is crawl under your covers, cry, and hide from the painful world.

Yesterday was one of those days. I'm happily minding my own business, watching You Tube videos (Ben Shapiro has such a sharp tongue!), when I clicked on a recommended video.  (First mistake ... don't trust the You Tube algorithm.)  This video came up.  For full disclosure, I did not watch the whole thing.  I had to stop after four minutes.

A recent Gold Star mom crying over her lost son.  From CNN.  (Second mistake ... breaking my self-imposed blackout on CNN in all forms. I normally won't click on any link of theirs.)

What I found so horrifying was that the woman did not cut the interview short.  The mom is crying the entire time.  I cried to my husband about the video.  He asked me why she agreed to do the interview.  This is part of what broke me.  I totally and completely get her reason.  Her son,  SPC. Etienne Murphy died.  She wants the world to know about her son.  BTDT.  I went through that for a few years.  Every time I met someone, I told them about Yossi a'h.  He was here and he was gone and I felt like the world needed to know that something so precious was no longer here.  After one of the yartzeits, it hit me that his friends never really will forget him.  I had been so worried that 30, 40, 50 years would pass, and Michoel and I would be the only ones still crying over him.  When I saw that wasn't going to be the case, a huge stone lifted from my heart.  It really helped in the healing in knowing that he wasn't going to be forgotten; that his life had meaning and he made an impact on this world (for the better).

So why was I so upset? Why was I crying for this mom and her tragic loss?  All the CNN interviewer saw was an opportunity to #BashTrump.  WTG CNN! Politicize a bereaved mother's pain to try and hurt President Trump.  It's INHUMANE! It's despicable and vile.  There are certain lines you don't cross, and I would have thought that this was one of them.  But no. Never let a good crisis go to waste. Who cares if you trample on the already shattered heart  ... Hey! Maybe she will say something negative about the President.

It's a new low. The Left is unbalanced and totally unhinged.  It is frightening to see how evil their agenda is, and how they truly have no heart what so ever.

To know more about this brave young man who made the ultimate sacrifice for our freedom ...

Etienne J. Murphy, SPC, U.S. Army, 22, of Snellville passed away Friday, May 26, 2017 while serving a tour of duty in Syria; he was a part of Operation Inherent Resolve. He was a loving husband and son, an amazing father to his two boys and a friend to many. He spent his days constantly joking and making anyone who came across him smile. He did everything he set out to do in his career and life and although, his life was cut short, his name will never be forgotten. He is survived by his loving wife, children, parents, brothers and a host of loving relatives and friends

Please take a minute and sign his guest book.  Let his parents know that their sacrifice was not in vain.  http://www.legacy.com/guestbook/dignitymemorial/guestbook.aspx?n=etienne-murphy&pid=185700707

May Hashem bring comfort and wipe away ALL tears with the coming of Moshiach NOW!

My Precious

Gollum and the ring ... If you read Lord of the Rings, you know that Gollum was obsessed with the ring, to the point that it drove him mad.

But maybe Gollum wasn't the one who was insane, maybe it's us? We grab onto our "precious" and lose sight of what is truly the most precious of all ... human life.

Puerto Rico suffered through the third hurricane to wreck tremendous damage in this hurricane season.  Yet what does the mayor of San Juan do? She politicizes the whole thing, to the point where she stands in front of pallets of food decrying the lack of help!

Even better yet, in an area without any power, she magically has the ability to make a hat and shirt trying to embarrass our President for his "lack of response".

So let me ask you ... what is more important here? Getting food and water to people who don't have, or making a politically statement? Well, we see what Carmen Yulin Cruz holds precious. It's her political agenda above her constituents.  And it's sickening!

This morning I awoke to the horrible news of the terrible tragedy in Las Vagas.  Yet what are the first rumblings ... not, HOW AWFUL! Not sympathy to the hundreds of people who experienced a life changing event. Not horror at the nightmares these people are going to have. Not remorse over at least 50 lives gone, families destroyed by death of a loved one and the over 400 people who will carry physically scars the countless people who will carry emotional scars ... Nope. The call is for more gun control ... the call is that we Americans have brought this on ourselves with liberal gun laws ... the call is that hopefully it was only Trump supporters who die and not anyone else ... excuse me but ... WHAT?????  Where is the cry for the loss of human life? Does it matter if the person was Red or Blue before they died or were injured?  Cuz last I saw, we ALL BLEED RED!

The value of human life .... that is what our society has lost value of it. Hurricanes rip through the country, and you have whack jobs saying that Texas got Karma baby ... And that Trump brought the hurricanes to drive the Mexicans out of Florida ... sheer stupidity and basically no one seems to care about human life. Why should they? If you find out that becoming a mom is not exactly what you wanted, well, just murder that little life inside of you.  Just rip it right out, stop that little heart from beating and G-d forbid becoming a burden on your life. I mean, we can't have people being inconvenienced by a baby for goodness sake, right???  People play video games where they kill other people, watch movies with tons of people dying, and listen to songs about rape and murder with no thought of what it does to their morality.  People have no problem killing a child because his life has no quality, and end of life issues ... if you are suffering or have a disease, then just end it all now, cuz life has on intrinsic value.  The is truly the crux of our problem.  The Liberal Left has a done a fantastic job of taking G-d out of people lives. Without G-d, then there is no meaning and there is no value. Whatever you hold dear is what is your precious ... your job, your processions, your political ideas or ambitions ... that is all that matters.

It's time for us to step back. We need to invite G-d back into our lives. We need to let HIM decide what has value and what is important. Each and every single human life has intrinsic value, simply because G-d created that person, brought him into this world, and continues to let them live.  Now what you do with your gift of life is up to you.  Do you want to make this world a dark place by snuffing out over 50 lives and destroy countless others, or do you want to be a beacon of light, bringing happiness and goodness where ever you go? Shine light or cast darkness? The power is in our hands.

We need to grab onto the precious, and hold onto it tightly, because unlike Gollum and his ring, our precious should be human life, goodness, and making the world a better place.

Do some random acts of kindness today to bring some light back into the world that was made a lot darker last night.

I deserve ...

Famous last words ... "I deserve"

Maybe it's the commercials on TV, maybe it's just an American quality, but we feel we deserve more, and we deserve better. We work hard, we do so much, so we really deserve so many things. A spouse, kids, house, job, nice car, vacation, peace, good health, happiness; the last is endless.
Deserve?

verb (used with object), de·served,de·serv·ing.

1. to merit, be qualified for, or have a claim to (reward, assistance, punishment, etc.) because of actions, qualities, or situation:to deserve exile; to deserve charity; a theory that deserves consideration.

verb (used without object), de·served,de·serv·ing.

1. to be worthy of, qualified for, or have a claim to reward, punishment, recompense, etc.:to reward him as he deserves; an idea deserving of study.

I don't know about you, but I don't think I "deserve" most of the brachos G-d has showered down on me. What is it that He wants from me? A connection. How do Jews connect to Him? Through doing mitzvos, the commandments He has given us. But here's the crux of the problem - G-d has hidden Himself so well, that don't mitzvos doesn't always feel like a connection. It's so easy to fall into a rut, doing the same routine day after day. Daven (morning prayers), saying blessings, washing hands, shabbos, kosher, everything. It becomes a part of who I am, but am I doing out of routine or habit, or because I'm reaching out to Hashem?
I like to think of morning davening as a way of inviting Hashem to be a part of my day with me. Most days though, I rattle off the words with little thought to their meaning. My mind will wander and I'm thinking of a million other things instead of the one thing I should be thinking of. I get annoyed with myself, and ask Hashem to help me connect better, to feel it. I "know" I sounds be putting more effort into certain things, and less into others, but the appeal of feeling good often outweighs the feeling of what's right (meaning religiously). Rabbi Gordon a'h used to say in his Tanya class, "Just because the cow is kosher doesn't mean you have to eat the whole thing!" Meaning, just because something is allowed doesn't mean we have to do it.
I'll admit it. I have awful coping skills. When I get upset, either shopping or chocolate soothe my hurt soul, so I tend to indulge. If life gets to intense, I'll bug out of the house and head to the stores. I know the last thing in the world is, something else. I don't NEED shoes, clothes, jewelry, gadgets, things ... My house is overflowing. I just sometimes feel like I deserve to be happy ...

Which brings me to tonight, neilah. The final prayer on Yom Kippur. The day Hashem forgives our mistakes we've made in the past year. Not magic-wipe-the-slate-clean type forgive. No, this is, "Of boy, I really messed up and I'm soooooo sorry" type of start over. So here we are in the final 40 mins. Mind you, no food or water for the past 24 hours. My head hurts (I've given up giving up caffeine for days before the fast; rather one bad day than a few), I'm very hungry and light headed, and it hits me hard. I'm so weepy, cuz I deserve nothing. I have so much in my life aha all I want is more and more and more and do I really give back the little that He asks of me?? Really, do I? Am I grateful for all these brachos? The family, the relatively good health, the house, the car, the friends, the cool jewelry finds? Yes and no. I'm grateful, but like a addict, it's a powerful pull to want more and more and more. Is it right for me to daven for more? Isn't it enough that I wake up each morning to the brachos I already have? So that is why I cried forgot neilah. I know I don't deserve more. Just forgive me for all the mistakes I've made. I can't even promise not to want more tomorrow, because I'm so human. But for today, I'm offering you my apology for not being content with all that I already have. Just grant me another year.

Maybe that's all we can really ask for. I don't have any answers. Just loads of thoughts.

Just let Moshiach come already, so G-dliness will be revealed, and the connection will come so much easily.

PS ... A quick shout out to my baby girl, whose not a baby anymore. Today was her first Yom Kippur fast. It was incredibly hard for her. She struggled all day, but didn't give in. Near the end, I told her, "You love Hashem more than you love your body". Her sister said that isn't true, but she agreed with me. She realized at any point she could have just ate something, but she didn't. Baby girl, I'm so proud of you! I know how hard this was, and you passed with flying colors. May you always find the right choice an easy one to make. I love you!

A BIG Mouth -- Not always good

I like to joke around that "I have a big mouth and I am not afraid to use it." I know I have a caustic wit, and I can snap back when I feel attacked.  I've tried to work on not opening my mouth so quickly. My mashpia once told me that she thinks 2, sometimes 3 times before she responds in writing. Me, I just blast out my opinion without thinking of the consequences. At least ... I used to. Part of the reason I haven't been writing as much is because I worry about offending people. NOT because I'm chas v'shalom trying to be politically correct. (That probably will NEVER happen!)  But because I know people disagree with some of my thoughts and opinions. I tend to say things very forcefully. So I have been self-censoring.  The only problem with that is I feel I have lost some of my free speech. (Once you start self censoring, your speech is not completely free. But I have seen too many people get zapped by things they sent out on Twitter or Facebook. I don't want anyone in my family to suffer from something I've posted online. I think I am starting to ramble .... )

Back to the point -- Tomorrow night is Yom Kippur. It is the holiest day of the year. It is the day that Hashem actually forgives all our transgressions we've committed over the past year. The caveat is ... You have to be remorseful and you really aren't supposed to repeat them again.  I've spoken numerous times on the power of Teshuva, repenting, and what a gift it is that G-d gives us.  So Hashem is forgiving us, but only for the sins we committed against Him. Not the hurt and pain we have caused others.  He first wants us to ask each person who we've hurt for forgiveness. It's so important that Hashem won't even consider forgiveness until the other person has granted it.

The cool thing about blogging and tweeting and blasting out all these thoughts is that you have no idea about how many people actually saw what you had to say. The bad thing about forgiveness is that since you have no idea who you actually hurt in this way, YOU CAN'T ASK THEM DIRECTLY!

So basically, I am asking that if there is anything I have said or done that hurt or offended you, please, please, please, find it in your heart to forgive me for this.  I'm trying to figure out if it is a good idea for you to tell me directly, or if it will cause you (and me) more pain.

Wishing you all a gmar chasima tova! Let this PLEASE! be the year that Moshiach comes because we can all get along with one another.

G-d bless the Men & Women of this country who keep us safe!

I've said this before ... We live in the greatest country in the world. We live in a country where you can say you hate the president and you don't have to worry about being thrown in prison. You can keep kosher and not have to worry that someone is trying to outlaw shechita. You can earn as much or as little as you choose to. You can sit on your duff and drink beer, or start your own business. You can make your own choices. You can buy toilet paper for less than it costs to rent a house. Try doing these things in Venezuela, or Cuba, or North Korea. (Try getting a different hair cut in NK and see how well that works out for you!) 
I've read so many stories of how our Rebbes and our chassidim suffered greatly for the horrible crime of "spreading religion".  The Fredike Rebbe was left with permanent bodily damage from his various incarcerations, including being pushed down a flight of stairs. (And elderly man! How??? How does a human being do such a thing???)  We've been burned at the stake, forced to convert, and lost so many lives, and yet here, we are allowed to practice our religion. Not only practice it, but we are protected from others trying to stop us! We have rights and freedoms that some people in other countries can only dream of! Try saying you don't like Radical Islamic Terrorists in Germany, and see how well that works out for you. Try walking down the street in Sweden at night with no male and see how well that works out for you (females).

We have incredible men and women who have dedicated their lives to protecting our freedoms. Maybe people take them for granted because they have actually had them threatened. I don't know. All I know is that by not standing with respect for our National Anthem, you are spitting on the graves of every single person who has ever put on a uniform and fought for our country! You are spitting in the faces of the families who graciously allow their loved ones to be away for extended periods of time, never knowing if they will be coming home again. You are literally spitting in the face of the Statue of Liberty, saying, I don't care that others sacrifice for me ... I only care about ME!

These ... things ... (I can't call them people, because they aren't mentchlich) ... seem to think they are entitled to say or do whatever they want while they are working. In the real world, it doesn't work like that. In the real world, if you show up at work, and decide that you are going to march around with a picket sign instead of doing your job well ... you will have plenty of free time to protest because you aren't going to be having a job for much longer.  Most jobs don't let people just do whatever they, cuz it "feels" right. There are certain rules that have to be followed. 

If these football things were sincere about their protest, why can't they organize one on their own time?  Organize the million football player things march on Washington, complete with signs and shouts and whatever else you feel you need. But no. These spoiled overgrown babies will do it while demanding that the hand that feeds them keeps on giving them more food.

Sorry. One lesson these overgrown babies haven't learned yet is you don't bite the hand that feeds you. Americans are SICK AND TIRED OF THIS CRAP! And we aren't going to take it. I, for one, do not watch football. I don't watch any TV or movies or listen to music or read these books. I don't want the liberal lean that they have to them. I prefer to spend my time with like-minded individuals, ones who love this country and want to see it improve. You think the police are targeting black people? What is your spitting in the military's face going to do about that? Why not go into Chicago or Detroit, and sit with kids and teach them how to read? Why not work to get kids out of gangs, and help them to do well in school. Sponsor some kids to go to college, or set them up with a business so they can hire more people ... No. That won't work, because it involves actual time, effort and *GASP* money ... which the overgrown babies don't want to part with. Instead, they will be armchair quarterbacks (pun intended) by pretending to care so much that they have to "take the knee". These overgrown babies do not know what it means to take a knee. They have never had anyone present a flag to their family member, the one that covered their loved one's coffin ...

Stop thinking about your stupid ideas, get off your high horse, and do something real if you are so concerned. As for the rest of us, NFL is now headed towards No Fans Left ... and they will wonder why it happened.

As I have said so many times ... actions have consequences. You bite the hands that feeds you, that hand will no longer stretch out with food in it. I hope and pray that every single person who loves our country, who loves our military, who loves our flag, and who loves our anthem will turn the channel and do something else when football is on. Your welcome to come join me for anything else ... Let's hit Goodwill and find some jewelry jars instead! I'll teach you how to do it if you want.

Happy Reasons vs Sad Reasons

What happens when you move out of New York, and all your friends are there?
You don't see them that often. When Yossi a'h died, my friends came down for the levaya. They returned a year later for the first yartzeit. (I've told you so many times, I have amazing friends!) One comment that really struck me at the time was, "We should only come for happy occasions."
So now, when my New York friends have simchos, I do my best to travel up there. It doesn't always work out, but a lot of times it does. I've been up for a bunch of weddings, they've come down for one of my bar mitzvahs, and again when I made the 10th yartzeit. They are coming down for the hachnases Sefer Torah. I went up for one bar mitzvah (Yossi's namesake).
Once again, I had the pleasure of traveling to New York for another wedding. This one was going to be extra special, because not only is she one of my "New York" friends, she's also a member of the club. You know. The one no one wants to join. They get pulled in kicking and screaming, pounding on the door to be let out while the rest of us are trying our hardest to push that door shut and lock it tight. No more new members allowed! (And yet, somehow they keep slipping in, much to our distress.)
If you haven't figured out, I'm talking about bereaved moms. We get a special magazine called Our Tapestry, and we have a what's app group for us as well.
The wedding was going to be a time to celebrate a happy time, and also to meet in person so many women I've spoken to in cyberspace. I'd put faces to names!

So I come to the hall with my NY friends, and can't decide ... Where do I sit? NY friends or bereaved friends? I was leaning towards Our Tapestry, because I had gone out with my NY friends the night before.
I've tried to explain my crazy crazy life. If you're on What's App, you might get it. There are different channels, or groups. On one group I'm reading about politics, then another is bereavement, another is my family chat, my seminary friends, my high school friends, the group for the ladies in my community ... So many different hats to wear, and I often jump from one to another and back again. Sometimes I pray that I don't write a bereavement message to my politics group, or whatever. It can also be very draining, jumping back and forth. To put it in a Seinfeldism, World's are colliding Jerry! That's how I go through life in general, where two conflicting emotions are present at the same time.
I met a mom whom I have never met before. We sat for so long, talking about our kids, how they died, how we deal, etc. It was for at least an hour. We it depressing, a total downer? Nope! It's always very validating to know you aren't a freak and others feel like you do. So even though the topic is a depressing topic, it wasn't depressing to speak about it.

My favorite experiences last night, besides dancing with my friend to celebrate her daughter's wedding? All of them! I was thrilled to see Chaya Ted on a woman I have admired for years. From the time I was a counselor in camp Gan Yisroel, I always put her on a pedestal. Yea, she's only human, but she's always loomed larger than life in my book. When Yossi was facing his first transplant, Chaya was speaking in Richmond. I asked her to come down and give us chizuk. She came with all her usual grace and charm. I later learned that Chaya had a son who passed away.  How she was able to walk into a transplant unit, and not give even a hint of discomfort? I'll never know. I can't imagine doing it, although we did go visit someone once, as their child was dying, to give them comfort and strength. Chaya has been someone who has gently tried to guide me through this black maze. She was the one I asked to speak at the 10th yartzeit. I also think she would be so surprised to know how many times I have quoted her pearls of wisdom.

Of course, the whole day I kept talking to my NY friends about Zissy. Zissy and I are soul sisters. We are two peas in a pod who found each other the cutest way. She had recently lost her beloved son Motty a'h. This was before what's app, before Our Tapestry. It was a time when us bereaved moms were finding each other. My user name on Facebook was ... Wait for it ... Inmemoryofyossi ... Yea, I use it everywhere, but so many people have found me because of it. Zissy was one of those people, and we totally clicked right from the beginning. Of course I dragged her around to meet all my NY friends. (Worlds totally colliding in a great way!)
Next up, another person I have admired from a far. I see a woman hug Shoshana, and I'm like, You're M.C. Millman! Of course, she has no idea who I am, cuz she's never seen me before. I had Zissy on one side, so I asked her to sit on the other. I showed her how I recognized her ... Her picture had been posted to Our Tapestry. We laughed at that. We hit it off, and ended up having a great time.  (Zissy called us the "Charlie Angels of Bereavement". I love it!
Now, let me explain something ... I was giving running reports to the group. You know, vital information like, Surprise! Shoshana wore purple! (She loves people, her user name is purple safta.) I was posting pictures of us as people were arriving. So a woman comes up to me, and says, You're Leah.
Um, yea, but how did you know?
Cuz you posted a picture of yourself with Shoshana.  (See above)
Oh duh!!! Sometimes brilliance is not my forte and connecting the dots needs a little help. 😂
So many sweet sweet ladies! So many precious, gorgeous kids ... So many empty arms ... But we were there dressed up, with smiles on our faces and happiness in our hearts for our dear friend Shoshana.
And just what makes Shoshana so special that she can pull all these woman from all different backgrounds together? Shoshana has made it her mission to go to shiva houses. She wears her purple ... The bereaved moms may not remember her name, but they do remember the beautiful words of chizuk Shoshana gave  them. How she had the strength to do it? I don't know. I went once locally, and it was so hard. I struggle to hold myself up, and here is Superwoman holding not only herself, but many of us.
I know I've said it so many times, but it truly bears repeating. I do see good that has come out of this. I've met the most incredible woman. I seen super human strength. I am love and goodness showered on others whom some have never met in person. I feel a bond to all these incredible woman who have endured what no one should have to. The pain, suffering, agmus nefesh really, cuz there aren't English words to really describe it, and yet the unconditional love and understanding ...
All I can say is that I'm truly blessed, and I pray that no one finds out first hand what I'm trying to convey.
 n'eNow

Me & my favorite brother and one of my nieces.

Cute story ... My niece Chanie just started seminary. The principal is the same woman as when I went (not saying how many years ago!).  Chanie tells me, Morah Gorewitz has been called Leah a few times, and she said she will probably do it through the whole year! ROTFL! (I totally get it ... I used to tell the kids that I taught, "I'm really bad with names. If I call you by a sibling's name, just answer to it please!")

Chai Elul, #HurricanIrma & the Master Puppeteer

Chai Elul has come and gone. Each year is so different. One year, it will trigger me, another year it goes by with nary a beep on the radar (except for a quick acknowledgement of the day).  This year, it was more like the second way. I was a little worried leading up to it, as I hate when it falls out on shabbos.  20 years ago, on Shabbos Chai Elul, my life and world was turned so totally upside down. I commented last night at the dinner table that 20 years ago this time, we were still so innocent, so naive. We lived in a world were we had this illusion that we decided everything in our lives. We picked to live in VA. We picked our house, our cars, our clothes, our friends, our food, everything. I even felt that I picked when I would have kids and the gender I wanted.

*C*O*N*T*R*O*L*
We all feel like we are in control of our lives. We pick what clothes we are going to wear. We pick what car we are going to drive, what to make for dinner, who to marry, where we will live, what profession we want to be ... we control our destiny, and it is all from the sweat of our brows that we have it, right?

That Shabbos, late morning, it came crashing down. I heard the most awful words a parent could ever hear ... "You have one very sick little boy." It was the morning Yossi was diagnosed with cancer. I was thrown into a world where kids get sick, and suffer tremendously, and all I can do is sit back and helplessly watch.  One of the hardest lessons I learned in Yossi's illness was the fact that I am NOT in control of ANYTHING. Hashem gives us this illusion that we are in control.  One thing that had bothered me greatly was that everything happened on Shabbos.  My husband said that maybe it happened on Chai Elul (the 18th day of Elul, a significant day in Chabad) because Chai means Life, and it is showing that Yossi will survive this.  (In some ways, I do feel he did, since he made it through that first transplant, and was granted an extra 2 1/2 years. The doctors didn't expect him to survive to the first transplant even.)

So here I am, thrown into this crazy, crazy world ... the one where the illness is so severe that the treatment itself is a carcinogen!  (I know of other kids who survived their cancer to go on to have other cancers that were caused by the chemo they got.)  One were the nurses wore double gloves and advised me not to bring my little kids because the chemo was so toxic.  All I can do is sit back and watch, cuz there is nothing else for me to do.

Fast forward 20 years ... and Florida is bracing itself for one of the hugest hurricanes to ever hit it. Everyone has advice to give those in Florida (myself included). It's so easy to be an armchair quarterback, now isn't it??? Truthfully, I will give you the best information I was given.  I had asked a mom, a fellow bereaved mom, a question. I wanted to know how much we controlled our destiny, and how much is pre-determined.  Her answer was that EVERYTHING, every single thing was decided by Hashem except for one thing ... whether to do a mitzva or not.  Eat kosher, dress tzanuah, put on tefillin, observe shabbos, that is in our power to decide.  What to wear, nope. What car we drive? Nope. The house we live in, the city we live, the job we do, nope, nope, and nope.  She told me, Basically, just sit back and enjoy the show.

Hashem is the Master Puppeteer, and He is pulling our strings and directing our lives.  Do we have free choice? Absolutely. We can choose whether to open our mouths and spread lashon hora, or keep them shut and not.  We can slip that non-kosher candy into our mouths when no one else is looking or again, not.  Text on Shabbos, or unplug? That is all up to us.  To serve chicken soup or split pea soup, no, not our choice.

From my experience, choosing to live like this is so totally liberating.  The other day, I called one of the local Goodwills that I *LOVE* to get jars from. They have nice stuff and I am usually very happy with my purchases from there. They said they would be working on one later.  When I had a few minutes much later in the day, I called. Yes, they had put a jar out.  I quickly drove down to the store, and when I walked in, I saw another guy who also buys jars purchasing the jar. Was I upset? No. Was I disappointed, yeah. But you see ... the Master Puppeteer did not have my name on that jar. THAT is why I wasn't upset, because I wasn't supposed to get it. Very clearly, it had the other guy's name on it. (And, I once bought a jar he wanted, so it was sorta even, in a weird way.) I totally get that He is pulling all the strings, and we are all getting exactly what we are supposed to get.  I have no issue with being happy for my other friends when they find great things. I was beyond thrilled with my friend who found an 18K gold bracelet from a $25 bag she cashed in two days later for almost a grand. Yay her!

So everyone, just take a chillax pill. Sit back, watch the show. Preferably from a far away location, if you are asking me for advice. (Been through a hurricane once and hope to never repeat it again.)

On a side note ... it's not too late to donate to Yossi's sefer Torah! 

inmemoryofyossi.com/sefertorah

Which side again is the one full of love and tolerance???

Yes, I know. I haven't posted in a while.  I've had people ask me to write, but I have been hesitant to. The reason is simple ... words are being used against people in so many ways. They are being twisted and manipulated so that the writer is demonized.  But at this point, I can no longer hold my tongue.

There are so many things. Confederate monuments, antifa, nazis, Free Speech, and especially, Hurricane Harvey.

So here we go. I can't remember if I actually published the post I wrote about the Confederate flag ... I don't think I did.  I grew up on the Far Left Coast in California. The Civil War was so foreign to me in history. I didn't pay much attention to it, after all, it happened sooooooo many years ago, right? Fast forward many years, and I find myself in Virginia, Confederate headquarters. I had driven down Monument Blvd so many times. The hotel where my mother-in-law worked had a HUGE picture of the hotel when it was bombed out from the Civil War. I read about the Daughters of Confederate Soldiers (wait ... didn't that war happen too long ago for their to be daughters still alive??) ... and all I could think of was ... What in the world is up with these people and their fixation on the Civil War??!! It happened, it's over, move on.  Then slowly, as time went by, I was exposed to a lot of Civil War history. I had never liked history, but this stuff was interesting. I starting taking the kids around to various war sites, and learning history in a way that made it come alive. The real turning point for me was when I took the kids to Tredegar Iron Works and OH BOY! Were my eyes totally opened. It showed me how my liberal public school education in elementary school was total and complete garbage!  When liberals teach history, they do it with an agenda, not to convey facts and lessons that can be learned from it. It blew my mind that the economic reasons for keeping slaves ... and the DEMOCRATS were the ones in favor of it! It was the REPUBLICANS who actually freed the slaves (and were the ones to vote for civil rights but let's not jump ahead here).  I had learned it BACKWARDS!  I started to appreciate what the war meant to the people here, and why it was still important to them.  These Confederate statues that are all over are not monuments to slave owners ... they are monuments to freedom fighters. They are monuments to people who were willing to fight and even give up their lives for what they believed in.  If anyone thinks that any person is 100% good and pure, then you are just a moron.  It's not possible, only Hashem is perfect. What is going on now is that people are taking today's standards, and applying them to these men. How unfair!  Would anyone want to be judged by standards that are not common now?  What if 100 years from now everyone has to shave their heads, and the generations look back at us and say how horrible we are for not shaving our heads. (OK, dumb example, but I want to get to my real point.)

Enter the nazis and antifa (I won't capitalize either one of them!).  I don't know exactly what happened, because I wasn't there. But I have come to learn that Free Speech is ONLY free if people are allowed to say things you personally disagree with. The Supreme Court of the United States ruled that those horrible, vile, disgusting Westboro Baptist "Church" are allowed to say the most horrific things, at funerals of the very soldiers who fought for their right to say those things .. well then, if the nazis and KKK have a permit and they want to march and say vile things, they can. I don't have to agree with them. I don't have to want them to show up at my front door. As long as they aren't saying, Let's go kill Inmemoryofyossi (or anyone specific), then their speech IS protected speech. Is it hateful? Yes. But it IS allowed. We all know you can't scream "FIRE" (or "WOLF" if you go to a movie with Nancy Pelosi) in a crowded movie theater.  The reason is that it will endanger people. That is not protected speech.  So I agree with nazis, KKK, and white supremacists?  I don't even have to answer it, because if you have read my blog or know me at all, you will know how I feel about them. Can they say it? Yes.

Now we come to antifa ... "Anti" fascists ... who are using fascist tactics to get what they want. Ironic, no? Too bad they don't see that!  Typical liberal thought process ...

Which now leads to the whole point of this post ... Hurricane Harvey ... a disaster of epic proportions. Remember when the earthquake happened in Haiti, and people around the world were overflowing with aide and help? Remember the tsunami on Christmas where again, aide was showered down on them (no pun intended).  When bad things happen, we usually see the good inside people come out. Everyone feels so bad, and they WANT to help. What happened in Texas is just mind-numbing! So many people who lost everything. And what do we hear from the "tolerant" Left? People on twitter saying they are happy it happened in Red state! It serves them right! They are glad the people are suffering!
Sorry. I am speechless!!!!!! These are not things normal humans think! This line of thinking is more like an animal who takes joy because they will gain from it ... and yet, these liberals are not gaining anything except watching fellow human beings suffer. And they are taking such pleasure from it. "Charitable Humans" tweets out such vile disgusting tweets that I can't even repeat them! They refuse to give help, because Texas is a Red State. I'm sorry, but I am just shocked! I didn't see the hurricane destroy ONLY the Trump supporters homes! L'havdil .. just like the nazis didn't differentiate between observant and non-observant Jews ... it didn't matter to them ... a little bit of Jewish blood makes you Jewish ... l'havdil, the same thing here ... the storm didn't pick and choose who it was going to affect.  Trump voters AND Hillary voters both are affected. And the rescue workers ... they didn't ask people who they voted for before deciding if they were worth saving or not.

I've said it so many times ... Liberal tolerance is going to kill us all. I wish they would stop loving and start working on their values and morals, because they are totally and completely void of any.  How anyone can wish death and destruction on ANYONE, and claim it's OK because they are a conservative is just reprehensible.

Baby Charlie Gard? Only quality of life matter?

I am so hurt and upset with the comments that I am reading on various news sites about the situation of little Baby Charlie Gard...

Let me start off with, I am one of the few people around who an truly comment on this. Many of the others I have read commenting are just basing their thoughts on what they think should be done.  I've literally, BTDT (Been There Done That)!
The last two weeks of Yossi's a'h life were very hard, not only on him, but on all of us. For some asinine reason which I have never been able to get an explanation for, the doctors and nurses kept pushing us to kill him. Oh, excuse me, turn off the medication that was keeping him alive.  Why? I have no idea why! They didn't need the room, as there were several empty rooms on the BMT unit. As religious Jews, we made it very clear we weren't killing him. But that didn't stop them from repeatedly asking us to.  One nurse, who we really liked, recommend we turn it off while she was on with him, so it would happen when someone we knew and trusted was with him. That was a full two weeks before it actually happened.
The week before Yossi died, I had a world wide prayer vigil at the same time. You have to realize that was in 2001, when the internet was still in its infancy.  There were no "blogs" or social media.  It spread from word of mouth.  I don't remember how many people actually did it, but I do know it was world wide. It was an amazing thing. Even the stuffy doctor who I couldn't stand came into the room to pray for him. (My husband said, "You know things are bad when the doctor is praying.")  You have to also understand that as a parent, I believed with all my heart and soul that he was going to make a turn around. I went so far as to tell the stuffy doctor, You watch! Twenty years from now you will be discussing the great miracle that happened here!  Before the prayer vigil, I had explained to the doctor that every second Yossi was alive, people were doing good deeds. They were praying for him. He was accruing so many mitzvos.  Why deny him that? Who are we to decide when it's time to stop? I was so desperate for him to live that I was even willing to take him as a vegetable. I begged Hashem, just let him live!  The refrain that my social worker from Chai Lifeline said all the time, where there is life, there is hope. Once you are dead, that's it. No more chances.

The night Yossi died, we were advised by our rabbi to speak with two doctor friends to get their opinions. One was a top heart doctor, who also happened to love him.  After hearing the report of the nurse, he cried to me, saying, "I've never seen anyone come back from a multi-system shutdown". The second doctor, a pediatric heart doctor told me that the amount of medication they were giving him was barely keeping him alive. Not only that, the amount would actually hurt a healthy adult, it was such a high dosage. So with these two thoughts, we spoke with our rabbi. The rabbi asked me, "Why are you holding out?"
I answered him, "Because what if we shut off the medication today, and Hashem wanted to make a miracle on Tuesday? It will be too late then."

Do you understand?  A parent will grasp at anything, anything in the world to save their child. Why should ANYONE say that baby Charlie has a bad quality of life and therefore doesn't need life support? Why doesn't the desperate wishes of the parents not mean anything? Why should someone who is going to go home to their own children and in a few months or years FORGET about him, but his parents will never, ever forget him; or get over his death? Why should his parents be haunted by the thoughts of, IF ONLY WE HAD DONE IT ... Maybe he would have lived???

In the end, Yossi died. Yossi had Graft Vs. Host Disease, an aspergillus infection, and four major organs had shut down. His heart was barely getting blood to his extremities. AND yet ... if I could have had just one more day ... or one more hour ... I would have done it that way all over again.  Another little boy on the BMT unit died the week after Yossi with the same things, GVHD, infection, multi-system shutdown ... and the parents immediately pulled the plug and went home to mourn their child. I don't question why they did it; I just know for me, I couldn't live with myself if I did that. It is one of the few things that I have complete peace about ... I know for a fact that I did everything humanly possible to save him .. Ultimately it was Hashem who decided that he wasn't meant to live. Not some doctor or nurse who recommend we do it.

If you are lucky enough to have never lost a child, then you can not understand the depth of the despair. The pain. I've tried before to explain, but it is about as helpful as trying to explain colors to a person who has never seen ... or sound to a person who has never heard.  It can't be done. You can't go there, so don't even try.  I *KNOW* what these parents are feeling. I know the desperation they have for their child to live. For some group of doctors and a judge to decide his fate is beyond deplorable.  They are taking a toxic situation and making it even worse for these poor parents.

At the end of the day, the world will go on, and we will soon forget about little baby Charlie. But his parents never will. And they will remember how the doctors and judge and clueless people thought their precious son would be better off dead because he wasn't have a great quality of life. And I promise you, THAT hurt will go away with time.

(On a side note ... the medication that I got special FDA approval for Yossi to use the week he died ...  Another teenage boy had a similar issue after Yossi passed away, and I helped them get the medication that saved their child's life. And after that I heard about child in Atlanta who also benefited from the same medication.  It has become standard treatment in the BMT unit.  So you never know when these experimental medications will help someone else.)

Breaking through another barrier

If you read the post about why I started shooting http://jewwithanattitude.blogspot.com/2015/09/why-i-carry-gun.html , you my remember that I grew up with parents who told me, "Guns kill people".  We had no guns in our house.  My poor brother never played cowboys and Indians cuz he had no guns.  Guns are BAD, BAD, BAD. I never let my kids have guns until I did the proper research, blah blah blah, read the whole post above.
So why am I bringing this up? Because my mom is here for a visit, and I asked her, "Hey, do you want to go to the range????"  She was so scared. No, she didn't want to go.  I've asked her before, and it was always the same thing. This time I explained that I have a great instructor, Dave Van Bruen from T.A.C. Solutions. I met him several years ago at a gun show. His business card intrigued me.  It said, "Can you survive 3 seconds". So I started using him from time to time to help with my shooting skills.  So this time when I asked my mom if she wanted to go, I said we would bring along a shooting instructor.  Shockingly, she said yes!
Today was the big day. I showed her my revolver, and taught her the basic safety rules (Keep your finger off the trigger, don't point it at anything you don't plan to destroy, consider the gun loaded at all times even when it's not, etc.)  I let her try to pull the trigger, but my Ruger has a very heavy trigger pull, so she wasn't even able to do that.  On the way to the range, she told me her stomach was in knots. I kept trying to reassure her, this is not big deal.  When we got to the range, Dave sat with us and spoke to her for a while, listening to her fears, and addressing each one. Her biggest fear was that the gun was going to shoot her.  There was a tragedy a few years in AZ where a young 9 year old girl killed her shooting instructor.  Dave explained she was using a machine gun, not a semi-automatic. The gun continues to pump out bullets, and it tends to pull upwards as it does it. She was a little girl and it was obviously too much for her, which is how the tragedy happened.  He explained that the gun she was going to use (a Ruger .22) was a nice heavy gun, and would only fire ONE time for each trigger pull.  He went over the safety rules with her again, and then it was off to our lanes. Dave is such a patient man.  He put my mom in a chair so she was comfortable. He had this special foam block that has a cut outs to rest the gun on. (It's really for long guns.)  He showed her how to load it, and then he gave her the gun. She fired it off, and hit the target. She was so shocked when it fired; I saw her flinch.  He put another round in the magazine for her, and she did it a second time. She was too scared to have more than one round in at a time.

She was SOOO PROUD of herself, as well she should be.  You will notice how her trigger finger is NOT on the trigger? Way to go Mom, that's perfect!
She fired more, and I meanwhile worked on several things. First, I tried out a Sig Sauer p938.  I was also using my little Sig Sauer p238. The first one takes 9mm and the second takes .380. I was toying with the idea of moving to that one. (Truthfully, I am very happy with the Sig p238, and I think I'm gonna stick with it for now.)

I wanted to work on changing magazines while in a defensive situation, but that didn't go over too well. I did it once or twice, and then gave up for now.
Meanwhile, Mom moved to a standing position ...

Dave and I worked on placement for my gun while I am carrying it. So we put my belly band on, and emptied the gun, and played around with where it is most comfortable. We also realized I really need to work on pulling the gun out to a defense stance and shooting within 3 seconds.  Did I mention I had to aim and fire two shots in that time???  Well, we worked on it.  I filled up the center of the target, so for the last few rounds, I was aiming for the 7.

Overall, I am very happy with my groupings. I am happy with the work we did, as well as the homework Dave gave me to do.  My mom left the range not only losing her fear of guns, but she actually ended up enjoying herself so much that she wants to go the range with my brother next week when she visits him! She did a complete turn around on this issue. All I can say is, if my mom shot a gun, ANYONE CAN!

 I guess you can see how happy I was to see her shoot!

Dave grabbed a shot of us, you can see I was about to fire in this one, or maybe I was firing? IDK.

End result? Two happy ladies! Thanks Dave, and happy shooting everyone. Stay safe!