Normally,
it is a child who marks the passing yartzeits of a parent. For what
ever reason, Hashem has chosen to flip the order, and here we are
marking the 18th yartzeit of Yossi a’h. Hindsight is
always 20-20. Looking back, I see what a unique and special child he
was. While he was alive, I thought of him as a regular child. He was
kind and sweet and loving, but he was just Yossi. There are many
metaphors that explain the concept of when Hashem sends challenges,
like “you squeeze an olive to get oil”. Our forefather Avraham
went through 10 tests. One of the reasons was to show the world and
Avraham himself his true greatness. I see this with the challenges
that Yossi went through. He faced difficulties that many adults would
buckle under, and yet, he accepted each one with love. It’s been
said many times that Yossi rarely complained about his fate in life.
He showed grace and courage while facing these hardships, never
losing his precious smile or hope for his future. Even as a toddler,
Yossi was exceptional. I remember coming into shul and hearing the
other little preschool kids call out excitedly, “YOSSI IS HERE!”
Not only did Yossi love everyone, but he was loved by everyone too.
My neighbor Hilda said “Yossi used to come to my house. He
would sit by the counter and we would discuss the issues of the
world.” Yossi, a young boy, and Hilda, a holocaust
survivor, and yet, they were friends. Yossi was so brave. The bone
marrow unit had a Survivor’s Day, and Yossi was asked to speak at
it. He had the courage to stand up in front of 200 people and talk
his transplant experience. Yossi was a sensitive and caring. He had
this knack for knowing when I was down and needed a hug.
Yossi
was a giant, and yet, he was just a boy. He loved to draw and play
football and especially to spend time with his friends.
Yossi had a lot of “best
friends”. He was very close with a lot of other kids. However,
there is one person with whom I think Yossi had a very special
connection with. Yonatan and Yossi were always close. They first met
when we moved down here, I am thinking when the kids were about 18
months old. Yonatan was Yossi’s first “real” friend. The boys
joy knew no bounds when we moved a few doors down from them. They
were always back and forth between the two houses. This was back in
the days when it was safe to send the kids outside to play by
themselves. As Yonatan mentioned, they built incredible forts and
snowmen when we had a few of our bigger storms. They walked to and
from school with Goldie and Don. When Yossi got sick, Yonatan stood
by him. After his first transplant, Yossi was not allowed near other
children, to prevent infection. It didn’t matter. Stuart brought
Yonatan and Don to my in laws house where he was staying every single
shabbos. They would talk through the glass storm door. The very last
event Yossi participated in here in Richmond was Yonatan’s bar
mitzvah. The boys all lined up on the stage, and were singing songs
with Rabbi Sherman. Yossi was thrilled for his best friend. He didn’t
have a drop of worry about the next day, when we were leaving for MN.
It wasn’t that he was oblivious to what was going to happen. It was
Yossi being Yossi … he was truly happy for his best friend.
Two and half years ago, when I
decided to launch this campaign, Yonatan jumped right on board.
Emotionally, this has been such a crazy experience. The excitement
at seeing the project completed, yet the pain of knowing why it was
being done. What gave me comfort through was seeing how much Yonatan
loves Yossi. I saw it in his eyes when we spoke about him. I saw it
when he wrote to various people explaining the campaign and why it
was so special to him. For these past two years, Yonatan has given me
something not many have in the last 18 years … he shared Yossi with
me with the same intensity that I feel for him. And for that Yonatan,
there are not enough words to say thank you. His dedication to this
project was endless, as was his time. I’ve often said, this is as
much your Sefer Torah as it is mine.
Why did I feel the need to
have a Sefer Torah written for Yossi, on his 18th
yartzeit? The Torah itself is compared to many things. One of the
things Torah is compared to is water. And just like water gives life,
so too does Torah. Rabbi Akiva taught that just like a fish can’t
live without water, so too a Jew can not live without Torah. For
many years I dreaded the idea of an 18th yartzeit. How
could we have it when 18 is Chai and a yartzeit is marking the
passing of someone? The two were like oil and water in my mind. If
life is so important, then why do we “celebrate” a yartzeit, an
anniversary of a person’s passing? The answer is surprisingly
simple. It’s because only after a person passes away, do we see the
true impact of their life. While a
person is alive, they may be a good influence on others. It is more
noticeable though by the giant void a person leaves behind. The
bigger the impact, the bigger the void.
Over
the years, a lot of people have reached out to me to tell me what an
impact Yossi a’h has made on their lives. While most of the people
are ones who knew and loved him, it continues to amaze the number of
people who never knew him while he was alive who are deeply moved by
him. You can see some of the comments people have made. Judy Lessin
recently said to me:
“What
a beautiful child with a beautiful Neshama. Yossi has influenced so
many of us during his life and throughout the last 18 years. What a
zchus that is. He will always be in our hearts and minds. Think of it
- how many people have that big of an impact on so many people.”
Last night, Adrienne Winkleman
summed up today with this line – “You didn’t get to
choose what happened to Yossi. You do get to choose what you do with
it.”
Having this Sefer Torah
dedicated in Yossi’s memory is eternal. The mitzvos that are done
will stay here forever, long after I’m gone. Yossi will NEVER be
forgotten.
