You don't see them that often. When Yossi a'h died, my friends came down for the levaya. They returned a year later for the first yartzeit. (I've told you so many times, I have amazing friends!) One comment that really struck me at the time was, "We should only come for happy occasions."
So now, when my New York friends have simchos, I do my best to travel up there. It doesn't always work out, but a lot of times it does. I've been up for a bunch of weddings, they've come down for one of my bar mitzvahs, and again when I made the 10th yartzeit. They are coming down for the hachnases Sefer Torah. I went up for one bar mitzvah (Yossi's namesake).
Once again, I had the pleasure of traveling to New York for another wedding. This one was going to be extra special, because not only is she one of my "New York" friends, she's also a member of the club. You know. The one no one wants to join. They get pulled in kicking and screaming, pounding on the door to be let out while the rest of us are trying our hardest to push that door shut and lock it tight. No more new members allowed! (And yet, somehow they keep slipping in, much to our distress.)
If you haven't figured out, I'm talking about bereaved moms. We get a special magazine called Our Tapestry, and we have a what's app group for us as well.
The wedding was going to be a time to celebrate a happy time, and also to meet in person so many women I've spoken to in cyberspace. I'd put faces to names!
So I come to the hall with my NY friends, and can't decide ... Where do I sit? NY friends or bereaved friends? I was leaning towards Our Tapestry, because I had gone out with my NY friends the night before.
I've tried to explain my crazy crazy life. If you're on What's App, you might get it. There are different channels, or groups. On one group I'm reading about politics, then another is bereavement, another is my family chat, my seminary friends, my high school friends, the group for the ladies in my community ... So many different hats to wear, and I often jump from one to another and back again. Sometimes I pray that I don't write a bereavement message to my politics group, or whatever. It can also be very draining, jumping back and forth. To put it in a Seinfeldism, World's are colliding Jerry! That's how I go through life in general, where two conflicting emotions are present at the same time.
I met a mom whom I have never met before. We sat for so long, talking about our kids, how they died, how we deal, etc. It was for at least an hour. We it depressing, a total downer? Nope! It's always very validating to know you aren't a freak and others feel like you do. So even though the topic is a depressing topic, it wasn't depressing to speak about it.
My favorite experiences last night, besides dancing with my friend to celebrate her daughter's wedding? All of them! I was thrilled to see Chaya Ted on a woman I have admired for years. From the time I was a counselor in camp Gan Yisroel, I always put her on a pedestal. Yea, she's only human, but she's always loomed larger than life in my book. When Yossi was facing his first transplant, Chaya was speaking in Richmond. I asked her to come down and give us chizuk. She came with all her usual grace and charm. I later learned that Chaya had a son who passed away. How she was able to walk into a transplant unit, and not give even a hint of discomfort? I'll never know. I can't imagine doing it, although we did go visit someone once, as their child was dying, to give them comfort and strength. Chaya has been someone who has gently tried to guide me through this black maze. She was the one I asked to speak at the 10th yartzeit. I also think she would be so surprised to know how many times I have quoted her pearls of wisdom.
Of course, the whole day I kept talking to my NY friends about Zissy. Zissy and I are soul sisters. We are two peas in a pod who found each other the cutest way. She had recently lost her beloved son Motty a'h. This was before what's app, before Our Tapestry. It was a time when us bereaved moms were finding each other. My user name on Facebook was ... Wait for it ... Inmemoryofyossi ... Yea, I use it everywhere, but so many people have found me because of it. Zissy was one of those people, and we totally clicked right from the beginning. Of course I dragged her around to meet all my NY friends. (Worlds totally colliding in a great way!)
Next up, another person I have admired from a far. I see a woman hug Shoshana, and I'm like, You're M.C. Millman! Of course, she has no idea who I am, cuz she's never seen me before. I had Zissy on one side, so I asked her to sit on the other. I showed her how I recognized her ... Her picture had been posted to Our Tapestry. We laughed at that. We hit it off, and ended up having a great time. (Zissy called us the "Charlie Angels of Bereavement". I love it!
Now, let me explain something ... I was giving running reports to the group. You know, vital information like, Surprise! Shoshana wore purple! (She loves people, her user name is purple safta.) I was posting pictures of us as people were arriving. So a woman comes up to me, and says, You're Leah.
Um, yea, but how did you know?
Cuz you posted a picture of yourself with Shoshana. (See above)
Oh duh!!! Sometimes brilliance is not my forte and connecting the dots needs a little help. 😂
So many sweet sweet ladies! So many precious, gorgeous kids ... So many empty arms ... But we were there dressed up, with smiles on our faces and happiness in our hearts for our dear friend Shoshana.
And just what makes Shoshana so special that she can pull all these woman from all different backgrounds together? Shoshana has made it her mission to go to shiva houses. She wears her purple ... The bereaved moms may not remember her name, but they do remember the beautiful words of chizuk Shoshana gave them. How she had the strength to do it? I don't know. I went once locally, and it was so hard. I struggle to hold myself up, and here is Superwoman holding not only herself, but many of us.
I know I've said it so many times, but it truly bears repeating. I do see good that has come out of this. I've met the most incredible woman. I seen super human strength. I am love and goodness showered on others whom some have never met in person. I feel a bond to all these incredible woman who have endured what no one should have to. The pain, suffering, agmus nefesh really, cuz there aren't English words to really describe it, and yet the unconditional love and understanding ...
All I can say is that I'm truly blessed, and I pray that no one finds out first hand what I'm trying to convey.
n'eNow
Me & my favorite brother and one of my nieces.
Cute story ... My niece Chanie just started seminary. The principal is the same woman as when I went (not saying how many years ago!). Chanie tells me, Morah Gorewitz has been called Leah a few times, and she said she will probably do it through the whole year! ROTFL! (I totally get it ... I used to tell the kids that I taught, "I'm really bad with names. If I call you by a sibling's name, just answer to it please!")
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