Count Your Blessings

This post is about my "true blue" friends.  These are friends who stick by you through thick and thin.  They are friends who know you better than you know yourself.  They are friends who can look past the faults and see the beauty within.

Baruch Hashem, I am blessed with many such friends.  Tonight I had a friend who was able to help me see some feelings that I buried deep inside, and didn't realize that they were lurking there.  Yes, they are hard and painful, but it does help to know that they are there, ready to bubble out.  It also helps me to watch out for these powerful feelings of sadness.

This is a weird week for me.  Technically, it is the week of Yossi's a'h yartzeit.  He died the day after Shushan Purim.  My rav holds that the "real" yartzeit is in Adar alef, and we observe a mini yartzeit in Adar bais.  But it doesn't feel right when the calendar says different.  Maybe that is why I was able to be so upbeat and b'simcha?  I don't know.  All I know is that I am slowly spirally downward in feelings of deep sadness.  It so hard, because I know that this is totally wrong.  It's Adar, it's Purim.  I'm supposed to be b'simcha.

I don't think people realize how much we are shaped by our lives experiences.  To someone who has never experienced true tragedy, then smaller things seem much bigger.  Once you go through pure pain and suffering, well, then, life's up and downs are just little bumps compared to the big picture.  I'm not belittling someone who feels tremendous stress and pain over little things.  I am merely pointing out that Hashem has shown me what truly matters in life.  I have a very different outlook on things compared to other people, I think.

I want to blow kisses to my true blue friends.  You know who you are.  You are the ones who let me cry when I need to, and celebrate with me when life is up.  Baruch Hashem, none of my friends have ever said to me the awful things I heard said to other bereaved parents.  Hashem has surrounded me with friends that are like flowers.  They are so beautiful!  Baruch Hashem I have people I can lean on when I need it, and a shoulder to cry on too.

Everything that happens in life, happens for a reason.  We are hear to learn and grow from our mistakes.  If we don't, we are just going to end up back here, redoing it.  I made some mistakes this weekend.  I feel bad about the hurt I caused.  I do deeply apologize for that.  I do hope that they will forgive me.

I can't think of a good ending, so I'll leave off with this ....