Feeling brave & Friends Forever (Mar 4, 2020)

 So it took three trips to Israel for me to get up the courage to take a bus by myself. That and the fact that no one would go with me or pick me up. LOL LOL LOL!!!

There is a special bond that we bereaved moms share. When you go through the worst possible experience a mom can go through, a mom who has walked in that path, no matter how different her journey is, you become soul sisters. I have so many special and wonderful friends I've made on this journey. Which is amazing, because truly, it is one of the loneliest paths to go on. And yet, there are women who hold your hand and pull you up, and in turn, you grab their hands and pull them up when they need it. 

Chana Leah is one such soul sister I met along the way. Thank you Our Tapestry for bringing us together. 

On Wednesday, I took the bus to the main bus station, and from there, caught another bus to Modi'in. Chana Leah picked me up at the bus stop. (Don't ask how confusing it was to find each other ... I got off at the wrong stop. Thankfully, I have a bright pink backpack that is probably noticeable from a mile away.)

We went together to a glass fusion workshop. You pick out what type of dish you want to make, and you glue little pieces of glass to it. The woman then heats it up very high for hours and hours and the glass melts and fuses into one with the dish. Chana Leah picked a seder plate and I choose a challah cover. Then we went back to her house for lunch. I am enchanted with the little wild flowers that grow in the spring all over Israel. Here is one such little flower-

Chana Leah felt that rather then just sending me on my way, she felt I needed a little bit of her special therapy. So we strapped the kids into their car seats and headed off to the beach. 

That's Tel Aviv in the distance. 

Yes, that is a whole section of sea shells.  I actually brought a whole baggie full of them to give to someone but sadly, that store closed from covid. I was not able to give him the shells. I am keeping them in a jar in my china cabinet.

The day was such a peaceful and serene day. I didn't even realize how wound up I was until I was able to fully unwind. (The day before was a hard day. There are no trigger warnings that TODAY is going to be a hard day for you, even all these years later.) So really, Chana Leah was able to intuit that this was just what I needed. Even looking at the pictures gives me a very calm and happy feeling.

After I left Chana Leah, I headed back to Jerusalem where I got a lovely sunset from the bus.

Finally stop of the day was meeting with another bereaved mom. We went to the kever of Shmuel HaNavi.  What a zchus it is to just hop over to such holy places! I have a whole list of names I carried with me, and when I came to a holy area, I prayed for those on the list.

A beautiful and fitting end to a fantastic day.

Mar 1 - Mar 3 Mitzpe Ramon - part 2

 Mon - Mar 2 continued

About Liav Levi from Desert Shepherd ... one thing about him that came across was his love for the desert. Now I have to be honest ... I love bright bold colors. I really have no favorite color. I love multi-color, if that is a choice. Big bright bold colors. Green, purple, turquoise, blue and pink, yellow, orange, red, all of them, I love them. I don't really like the desert because it's one color scheme - brown. Dark brown, light brown, sienna, etc ... all those shades of brown, so there is really no love for the desert from me. However, every time I am in Israel, I find myself intrigued with the desert and it's colors. Now Liav taught us a lot about the desert. He explained how the machtesh was formed, and how when you dig in the quarry over here it affects other areas. Basically, there is a whole ecosystem going on there and it's important not to mess around with it. It was really more than just showing us look at this cool formation here and look at this cool rock over there ... it was a lesson in the desert from someone who loves it.

After the jeep tour, we went to Camel Hill to see the sunset. We had to rush to get there in time. 

That's the look out that we had about 10 minutes to get to the top of. But -- the view was spectacular!

We went out to dinner, and then we went to this cool little hidden gem that I had found out about from Love Love Israel. There is a secret walk where you follow the path to the end and find a bunch of glow in the dark rocks that form --- something -- I can't tell you -- you have to find it for yourself. 

h/t: http://www.astronomyisrael.com/2019/09/the-milky-way-trail-in-mitzpe-ramon.html?m=1&fbclid=IwAR1CrMb4lsWMXuOF2ya-YyIfR1z8vIYHltbG7olIPDwrk9wfCbctgTbmDIA

The next day we went checked out of the hotel, and went to a place whose name I forgot. (This is what happens when you wait over a year to write about your trip! LOL) People call it the colored sands. There is a little lake in the middle, and little piles of different colored sands. I had brought the girls some little jars and funnels and they filled up their jars with colored sands. Then we headed back to Jerusalem. 

On the way back, we passed the spot where David Ben-Gourion and his wife are buried. Such a gorgeous and peaceful spot.

We stopped at the one of the most fun children's museums (second only to the one in Lynchburg VA!). The girls loved it. It's several floors high and the kids can wander around on any floor they want.

There were giant human sized puzzles for them to play with. A race where you run against your friend (or mom as Huvi did) and hit the timer to see how long it takes you. There are human sized games where you roll the dice and walk along (think shoots and ladders). There was a whole section where the kids could put on a performance and they loved playing Head Bands with a giant seat with rotating pictures. Right next door to this super cool kids museum was a terrific park. Yours truly rode the zip line!

As the sun went down, we continued our journey back to Shauly's apartment ... with a stop for dinner ... at .... yup ... 

Kosher Ikea. And no, I didn't get Swedish meatballs. (I don't remember, it was something boring like grilled chicken since nothing is really organic or non GMO.)

Lost? Dead? Alive?

 Words and their meanings ... some people toss around words very casually without giving any thought to their meanings. Others are very careful with their words, speaking very few of them but they pack a powerful impact. 

And then there is me ... who just loves to talk. I don't like silence. It's empty space. My husband said I am like water, seeping into every crevice and corner and filling it with stuff.  Words. Fabric. Jewelry. Just stuff. I like stuff. I like having. It makes me feel secure to see a lot of stuff, like, I can fill that gigantic hole in my heart with stuff. And it never works, because the hole is a bottomless pit and it can never be filled. 

As I try to clean out the clutter in my house, I find that a lot of my "stuff" is just that -- worthless and clutter. It's basically meaningless.

I recently attacked all the pictures in the top of my closet. Shockingly, I found an sealed box of matza that I had packed away. Not last year, but TWO years ago. We had too much matza that year, and rather than be forced to eat shmurah matza during the year, I sealed it up and put it in the top of my closet to save for the next year (which was last year) and promptly forgot all about it.

I found envelopes of pictures that were supposed to go into picture albums. Newborn pictures of Shoshana and Sheindy.  These two girly girls have complained for years that there are no pictures of them in the picture albums. (Never mind all those same pictures are in Shutterfly Albums I have; I guess those don't count.) Again, pushed away into the recess of my closet and never another thought given. 

The sewing room held similar surprises. The gorgeous nursing dress that I had started for myself. That baby turned 15 the weekend I found it. 3 bins of 2T-4T outfits - the only thing missing was elastic. Those were given to a friend's daughter for her to finish for HER daughter. Hopefully while she will fit them.

I pulled boxes from the attic, and attempt to sort through it. Some of it was shoved up there and forgotten. The box of Chanukah supplies that disappeared years ago. (Anyone want dreidels? I have enough to supply a small school who has a dreidel emergency.) The Purim boxes that I thought I tossed out. The stand to an electric keyboard that we tossed several years ago. Teaching supplies - what was I thinking? That if I ever went back to teach I was going to use old outdated supplies? There were 3 entire bins of copies for every holiday and subject ... all put out for the garbage because no one wants or needs them.

Finally, I found 4 boxes of Yossi's stuff. There were boxes of cards people sent him when he was sick. Boxes of cards sent to us when he died. Boxes of his work. And that's when the tears started. We are coming up on the 20th anniversary of his death. Yup. Twenty. YEARS. He's been dead for twenty long long years. My friend gets upset when I say he's dead. According to Torah, he's not dead. The soul lives on. But he's hugs and kisses, the ones he gave me with his physical body, they are gone. Same friend also doesn't like when I say "I lost my son". She doesn't refer to her son as lost. She knows exactly where he is. But me? I did lose him. I lost seeing him grow up. I lost seeing him drive a car and graduate high school and get married and have kids. And yes, my brain understands that none of those things were meant to be, and no, I didn't really lose those things, because they were not mine to have. But the heart ... oh, my poor heart ... it aches. It's missing those hugs and kisses. It's missing those special firsts I feel he should have had. It's missing him. So my head says he's lost and dead and my heart hurts. Seeing those notebooks, the paper he wrote up about our science fair project, makes him alive, and he's not alive and it hurts.

Anyhoo. Anyone want to buy some fabric? I have tons of it to get rid of. LOL. 

Mar 1 - Mar 3 Mitzpe Ramon - part 1

 Mitzpe Ramon is often translated as a crater. The only problem is that this translation is wrong. It's more a machtesh, and because I waited months to write this post, I forgot what the difference. 

Bright and early Sunday morning Shauly, Adir, and I headed to the car rental place to pick up our car. 

So let me teach the first thing that happens when two Jews meet each other -- we play what is called Jewish Geography. One person asks the other, where are you from and the next question is ... do you know so and so. More often than not the whole six degrees of separation is closed very quickly when a connection is made. So of course, as soon as the woman from the car rental place heard I was from the US, she wanted to know from where. I said VA. (We are a small community ... who knows any one here?) Surprise! Turns out she was related to the rabbi who works for Chabad at VCU!        `

Originally my plan was to pick it up at 9am and leave immediately after getting it. However, lesson in Israeli bureaucracy of any kind ... nothing involving an office of any sort will go quickly. Suffice it to say, I think we left by maybe 1pm??? We did stop to pick up lunch to eat in the car, and saw some gorgeous scenery along the way.

OK, I admit it. I'm a baby! I enjoy seeing the Hebrew on the trucks. I mean, what do I expect to see ... English??? But still, I loved catching pictures of the Hebrew on the trucks.

There are several Ikea stores in Israel ... we will explore this more later.

And yes, still a baby! I enjoyed seeing Shauly drive "so fast".

We stopped in Ein Avdat for about 15 minutes. I have to say that it was absolutely breathtakingly beautiful. I called my husband and said, "I AM STANDING ON THE EDGE OF THE WORLD AND IT IS SO GORGEOUS!" The pictures do not do it justice. Sadly, we only had a few minutes to take it in because our late start. But that's OK, because now it's added onto my "next time I come list".

We arrived at our hotel and right across we discovered 770! How exciting. Now, if you don't know what 770 is, I'll tell you. Lubavitch World Headquarters is located at 770 Eastern Parkway in Brooklyn, NY. We fondly refer to it as just 770. What's super cool is that all around Israel, you will find several buildings that are built using the original design plans from the building. There is one in Jerusalem that I posted a picture of on my first trip in 2016. What was so special about that was that they got permission to use the same bricks, when the building codes in Jerusalem say all buildings must be built with Jerusalem stone. 

The shliach was sitting outside, so we went over and introduced ourselves. He got Shauly and Adir to join them for mincha, and then we went back to our hotel to search for where we wanted to go for dinner.

That evening, we had a treat. Mitzpe Ramon is in the desert, so you have the best views of the stars at night. I had booked us a star gazing tour. We met up with the tour guide in the evening. It was really spectacular. Living in the city, we sometimes see a few stars at night. This time, the entire night sky was light up and it took Ira a few hours to go through the stars with us. At the end, we got to look through a telescope and see the moon set. Who even knew that the moon sets nightly? 

Monday, Mar 2 was our jeep tour with Liav Levi from Desert Shepherd. He was awesome! He came to our hotel to pick us up, and he gave us much more than just a tour of the desert. 

Liav and Adir (he's in the shape of Israel - use your imagination)

Some cool rocks that are at the bottom of the machtesh.

Wild flowers that were in bloom -- just gorgeous!

To be continued ....

Friday Feb 28 ~ Visiting a Friend

 OK, it's 2020, the year from hell that is literally ten thousand days long in each 24 hour period. So it's very fitting that it took me months and months and months to write more of my trip.  <Shout out to Colleen for pushing me to write.>

So I have a friend who I've known for a long, long time. Laughingly, I met her on Facebook playing Farmville.  (Remember that game? When we needed to add friends to get points or something?) Chani and I became IRL friends. Although she lives in the US, the last time I saw her in person was at Shauly and Zahava's wedding in Aug 2013. I was thrilled when Chani told me she was going to be in Israel for 4 short days, but at the same exact time I was. I laughed when I told her, we live a few states apart but have to travel half way around the world to see each other in person. But that's what we did. We met in person for a nice relaxing breakfast, then we went to the Kotel to say Hello to our Father In Heaven. After that, we had to visit the US Embassy in Jerusalem, which our fantastic President (#ilovemypresident !!) Trump moved. 

Breakfast in Mamilla Mall

Israeli's sure do know how to do food!

Just outside the Jaffa gate, great views and great fun!

I am so thankful Chani shlepped me to the Embassy! 

The rest of the day was just spent getting ready for Shabbos. It was a nice quiet family shabbos, enjoying my little grand girls and basically loving being in Israel.

ISRAEL 2020: Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday February 25 - 27

Hashem has blessed me once again to visit Israel. The trip serves two purposes. One, I really wanted to see my grand daughters who live there. And second, I didn't want to stay in VA for the yartzeit. I know it's dumb, but I really felt that staying in VA would have been very anti-climatic for me, after the amazing Sefer Torah dedication last year.
So on Tuesday, I left Richmond for the first leg of my trip, Boston. Of course Priceline sent me an email after I went through security that said my flight was delayed - - don't go to the airport. Oh well, too late. I hung out at the gate because I had nothing to do. Shmoozed with a woman headed to Barcelona and walked around the terminal. On the plane, I had a female seat mate which made me happy. In the course of conversing with her, I found out she was also a bereaved mom! We both seemed to enjoy the ride.
The next wait was another long one. I spent a lot of time walking the terminal. I made a new friend (whose next door neighbor's daughter lives in Richmond).

That flight was nice. I've never El Al before. My mom told me to upgrade to a bulkhead seat. It was actually pretty nice in the end. The middle seat was empty so I used the seat to put things on, as did the other woman in the aisle seat. Only bad thing was that I didn't sleep at all. But, the plane made excellent time and we arrived 40 minutes early.

My lovely daughter in law Zahava met me, and we took the bullet train back to Yerushalayim.
After dropping off my stuff we picked up the little girls and headed off to the Kotel. We ate dinner in the Old City and I did the worst thing you can do when you travel ... I went to sleep at 8:00pm.

Guess who was up at midnight. Two melatonin and three hours later, I finally fell back asleep.
Today, Thursday, was a fun day. Zahava and I took a street photography workshop. We did it in the shuk. We then went to Ben Yehuda so Zahava could get the girls their purim costumes and we had a late lunch.
After eating, we picked up Rikki and headed back to the apartment.
I was supposed to stay up until midnight according to my jet lag app, so I'm going to call it a night now.

That time again ... Koach Tammuz

Chof Ches Tammuaz

The 28th day of the Hebrew month of Tammuz begins now. Michoel came out of bed to wish me Happy Birthday, as I was busy preparing for my kids / grand-kids visit tomorrow.  Wow, how did the evening slip by and it suddenly became this holy, awesome day? For a few weeks now, I've been dreading it, but not for the usual reasons.  I always joke around that having a birthday sure does beat the alternative. but it is also a very solemn day of introspection.
Birthdays are a time of celebration, yes. As it is well known, a birthday is proof that I really do matter in the world. I am here because Hashem wants me here, and I matter to Him. He created me with a purpose and a reason, which is what is leading me to feel a little despondent.  Am I living up to my goals and potential? Am I headed in the right direction? Am I nearing the "end of the line" so to say???
For 2 1/2 years, I worked tirelessly on the Sefer Torah project. I can't begin to think how many hours went into it. Sometimes it feels like a dream, the kind where you wake up and wonder if it was real or not. It's sorta like a fantasy feeling, but then I watch the videos or look at the pictures and I am reminded how real it was.  Where in the world did I get the strength to pull that off??? How did I do that?
A birthday is a time to look back at the previous year to see what I did right (to continue on that path) and what I did wrong (so I can make corrections).  In some ways, it's like a mini Rosh Hoshana, cuz of the reflections and contemplation. That is what is bothering me. Hashem has blessed me with so much. Did I use all the brachos He gave me for the good? Was I worthy of what He gave me? I'm not so sure. If I was able to pull off this super feat of donating a Sefer Torah, what else am I capable of, but didn't do because of my laziness.  Ya, I know ... I'm not supposed to talk lashon hora about myself .... but I do enjoy vegetating on the couch a lot more than I should. I've been trying for weeks to come up with a new birthday hachlata (resolution) for me to take upon myself.  As of right now, I still don't have one. So on one hand, I am thrilled to have this opportunity to celebrate another birthday, but on the other hand, it comes with a huge responsibility.


Time is not linear, it is more circular. When a holiday or event happens, we relive the strength of that day. Like on Pesach, Hashem gives us the strength to break through our personal boundaries. The same idea happens on our birthday. The same koach that Hashem endowed us with at our birth is shining brightly tonight for me. It's our tradition to give a "birthday bracha", a gift to all my friends and loved ones. So here is my bracha to YOU --

Hashem should bless every single one of us to have the ultimate joy of seeing the coming of Moshiach mamash RIGHT NOW!  We should dance and bring karbanos to the Third Bais Hamikdash and be reunited with our loved ones immediately.
Hashem should give everyone good health; curing those who have ailments whether they be physical or emotional. He should give everyone loads of parnasa, so much so that it is overflowing and it should come so easily. He should give everyone what it is the feel they need, a shidduch, a child, parnasa, menuchas hanefesh, brachos in what ever area they feel a lacking. May you all experience an outpouring of His Love in a revealed way, with nachas from your kids and grandkids. But again, most of all ... may we all join together hand in hand and dance with the geulah!