Pesach cleaning and hoarding get along about as well together as, well, oil and water do. Yes. I freely admit it. I am a hoarder. I'm sure that the TV Show "Hoarders" has a file opened on me, waiting for it to get bad enough for them to do a segment on me. The fact is, I love THINGS. Doesn't matter what they are, but I love them and I have a hard time letting go of them. I'm not to the point where I will beat someone up over a broken chair they are trying to toss, but I do find it almost impossible to let go of something that is perfectly usable. I just don't have a use for it right now. Last year for Pesach I did a big purge ... only to find several months later that I actually NEEDED some of the stuff I got rid of. THAT is the worst nightmare of a confirmed hoarder. I have several bags from several pesachs of things I wasn't sure if I would need or not. And in all these years, I've never needed it, yet I still can't bring myself to toss those bags.
If you have ever wondered how a non-cleaner cleans for pesach, I'll share with you.
First, lay in bed for an hour and half looking at things on your phone while dreading getting out of bed. Next, potchke around looking for "things to do" before davening. Eat breakfast, feel guilty about eating before davening, then daven. After davening, check out twitter and your email again for the millionth time. Admit defeat and have no excuse why not to get to work.
Now, mosey on into your bedroom, and take everything off your night-table. Sort the stuff into piles of magazines and books. Books go back onto the night-table. Magazines ... hmmm ... wow, there are some from LAST pesach that still haven't read been read!!! Are they seriously gonna read them???? No. OK, they go in the donate pile. Next ... on the way to getting a bag to put the magazines in, sit at the computer and look for the protein drink you like but the store no longer carries ... discover that it costs a buck more a container to order and decide you don't want it that badly ... walk back into the bedroom, sort the stuff on your dresses for about 3 minutes ... then decide it's time for a break. Peel an orange, and write a blog post about how pesach cleaning and hoarding do not go together.
OK ... SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!! Can someone invent a cure for hoarding that doesn't involve painful tossing of stuff????
And no way will I dare post a picture of my hoards of stuff. But if you need a pesach magazine from 2016, I know where to find one.
I guess I should go pretend I am working again, right?
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