I really wanted this yartzeit to be a meaningful one. I've had them where we all cry and while it is cleansing, it is not what I needed this year. I decided I wanted to focus on something that would be uplifting. I choose simcha, happiness. I researched the idea of what joy is and why it is important to us. I used www.chabad.org for a lot of my research. I also have the new book from Rabbi Shloma Majeski called Simcha (thanks Mom!). I have another book, It's OK to Laugh, but I didn't finish it. I wrote a speech and worked on gathering inspirational quotes. I had this whole thing all planned out. Then today happened. I got caught up doing something I didn't need to do, and before I knew it, it was noon. Oops. I needed white flour and sugar because I wanted to make cake to serve at the program tonight. I got what I needed, but I didn't have time to make it before I had to pick the girls up from school. (Guess who got marshmallow on her phone today? And guess whose phone stopped making and receiving calls today? It took hours for my phone to reload my contact list. I guess that means its too long? I was trying to figure out how to get my phone to work instead of baking.) When I got home with the girls, I had to make dinner. Shoshana wanted a dairy meal, so I decided to make lasagna. Great choice. Not! It took forever it seemed to get it together. Then I was finally moving onto the cake. I thought marble cake would be the easiest. I have no idea when the last time I made a regular cake with margarine and white flour and shortening is. It took a lot longer than I thought. I finally get the first one in the oven, and then Sheindy informs that we have a tornado alert. I calm her down and work on a second cake. Just as I get that into the over, all the cell phones start going berserk! It was an alert that we needed to seek shelter immediately. Sheindy was very upset, but I didn't think it was an issue. For some reason, I felt very calm. I cleaned up the mess I made, cleaned up from dinner, and made sure all the electrical stuff was charging in case we lost power. We did go sit in the hall for a few minutes when I finished cleaning. I just felt that with it being the yartzeit, nothing was going to stop it from happening.
Around 7pm tonight, we had to figure out if we were still doing the program or not. I kept going back and forth, have it here, have it there .. what should I do? Is it safe to go out? In the end, we decided to follow through the original plan, just start a few minutes later than I had originally planned. I got there at ten to eight, and worked on setting up. Thanks especially to my friend Debbie C who came early to help me set up. I put around 15 chairs out. Then people started to arrive. And arrive. And arrive. I was so pleasantly surprised to see so many ladies come! We ran out of chairs, and twice we had to bring in more chairs. I spoke about why I chose this setting of doing a Hakhel gathering, and doing it farbrengin style. Here is the speech I read:
I have them saved in pinterest if you are interested in seeing them. https://www.pinterest.com/inmemoryofy/inspirational-quotes/ The best part of the night was just sitting around with my friends and talking. I heard stories about Yossi and it was just so nice to have an occasion when we could talk about him. I just left tonight on a huge high. It is so crazy to say that. But really, it was exactly what I needed for me on this yartzeit.BS”DYossi's 15th Yartzeit & Simcha
Rebbe's letter:A Yartzeit is generally associated with two mixed feelings. On the one hand, as we learn from our sacred sources, the soul of the departed enjoys on the day of its Yartzeit an elevation, passing from one spiritual world into a higher one, closer to its creator. This is, therefore, a day of rejoicing for the soul.On the other hand, the Yartzeit naturally refreshes in the mind the loss, giving rise to a feeling of sadness. In truth, however, the Yartzeit should not call forth any feeling of sadness, but rather a feeling of earnest reflection, introspection and self-examination. With a view to attuning one’s life on this earth to the life-path of the soul Above, which is constantly on the ascent. This is to say, just as the soul On High is continuously rising, year after year, going "from strength to strength," so must also all those left behind on this earth, who are the associated with the departed soul, steadily go from strength to strength, through advancement in “Torah, worship, and the practice of good deeds.”-- A message to a Yartzeit gathering, 1952.
When planning this yartzeit, I had a challenge ahead of me … what could I do that would not be depressing, but would honor Yossi's a'h memory. I came up with the idea to focus on the inyan of SIMCHA. Why dafka simcha? Obviously, with the yartzeit falling in Adar, it seemed to be the perfect choice. Especially that this is a leap year with two Adars, and therefore we should be having twice as much simcha. I also feel that Yossi himself was always full of simcha. He was always smiling. The counselors from Camp Simcha told me Yossi used to greet EVERYONE with a smile. He would go over to the kids that were the “hard” kids, the one that people didn't want to be around, and he would smile and say hello to them. Our social worker from Chai Lifeline told me on many occasions that he had a smile that would light up a room. Finally, the year that Yossi was born is tof-shin-mem-ches, which actually spells out sameach, happiness or joy.With this thought in mind, let's explore the concept of simcha and why we should bring more of it into our lives. Dovid Hamelech states in tehillim “Ivdu es Hashem b'simcha / Serve G-d with joy”. The Baal Shem Tov taught us that “A person must ALWAYS be happy”. Why? Why do we need to be happy all the time? The answer he gave is “All your actions should be for the sake of Heaven”. Everything we do, eating, sleeping, working, even playing, can and should be part of our Divine service. When we do these things with the proper intention, we elevate these mundane activities into holy acts. So we can rejoice in the fact that everything single thing we do, we can actual do it for Hashem. Therefore, happiness may be defined as the knowledge that at all times one is doing what G-d wants at any given moment. The Arizal said that all his greatest spiritual experiences were achieved through simcha shel mitzvah--"joy in the performance of a mitzvah." We can also rejoice in the fact that even though we may mess up, we can always reconnect with Hashem. Teshuvah is such a great gift Hashem has given us; giving us the opportunity to erase and change the mistakes we have made in the past. How much Hashem much love us! That alone should make us jump for joy.Simcha also works as a mirror. What happens when you are walking down the street and you are greeted with a smile? You smile back. There was actually a study done that showed when someone smiled, the person would smile back. It's a human instinct. Not only is simcha contagious here, but it also mirrors spiritually. The Baal Shem Tov explains, commenting on the verse, "G-d is your shadow." Literally, the verse tells us that just as a shadow protects us from the sun, G-d shields us. The Baal Shem Tov, however, offers an extended interpretation, explaining that just as a shadow mirrors a person’s actions, so to does Hashem “shadow” our actions. There is a midrash in Perkai Avos not to judge your fellow man. Why? Because how you judge others is how Hashem is going to judge you. When we are strict with others, Hashem responds in kind, and is strict with us. The Lubavitcher Rebbe wrote in a letter the following:"... I believe that in the past I have already told you about the statement in the sacred Zohar (II, p. 184b) that when man below is of a 'radiant countenance' and filled with joy and gladness, he then draws down upon himself the same qualities from Above.”This is why the adage from the Tzemech Tzedek really resonated with me. He said, “Tracht Gut Vet Zein Gut”. The Tzemech Tzedek was telling one of his chassidim that he needs to think positive, and his son will recover. TGVZG is not all la-la-la lollipops and rainbows. TGVZG means true trust that Hashem will make it good in a revealed way. However, I would like to point out that includes accepting that sometimes the good is not revealed. Everything Hashem does is always good. It just doesn't always appear that way to us. When Yossi was near the end of his life, the doctor approached me. He said that he wasn't going to make it. I believed with all my heart and soul that he was going to recover. I knew we were entering into Adar, a month of miracles and revealed goodness. I gently told the doctor, “You don't understand. We are Jews. We are above nature. My son is going to get better. Twenty years from now, you will be talking about the great miracle that happened.” So yes, I did “tracht gut”. In the very end, when it the decision was being mad about turning off the medication that was keeping him alive, Rabbi Bart asked me, “Why are you hesitating about doing it?”. I explained that I still believed that Hashem was going to make him better, and he couldn't do it if he wasn't alive. I held out until the very end believing. Tracht Gut Vet Zein Gut. I don't see the goodness, the sweetness of this. I miss him like crazy. But I do see goodness that has come out of it. I've seen mitzvos that have been done for him, and I see the huge library in his memory.I'd like to conclude with the with this final thought. Simcha is a very powerful weapon we have in our service of Hashem. It is so powerful, that the yatzer hora will try and make a person depressed. When a person is depressed, they become apathetic, and they may no longer have energy to serve Hashem properly. Simcha is so powerful, that it is said to be able to break through all barriers. In fact, the connection between joy and Moshiach is highlighted by the fact that the name Moshiach ("anointed one") shares the exact same four Hebrew letters as the word yismach ("let him rejoice").To conclude with a chassidic saying.
King David writes regarding the future redemption:
"...then they will say among the nations, 'G-d has done great things with [the Jews]' Indeed, G-d has done great things with us; we were happy."
Why has G-d "done great things with us"? Why have we merited redemption?
Because "we were happy."
Tomorrow I am working on cleaning up the library, and then going down to Yossi to drop off all the rocks I got him in Israel. (I labeled where each one came from. I'm going to put them into plastic bags with the names.)
So if you made it this far, then please keep Yossi in mind when you go about your day. Smile to someone you may not have, or do something kind for someone else. Let's get this over with already! It's so time for the geula once and for all! Yosef Chaim ben Michoel Dovid haLevi.
(ps-- I made it through my whole speech without crying.)
(pps-- 4 tornados touched down in VA yesterday! That's crazy!)
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